The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): RuthWassermann, Jakob
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The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): Ruth
Wassermann, Jakob
German fiction -- Translations into English
He did not want to think--not of the letter of the private detective
agency, nor of its horrible revelations, which seemed dim and turbid
scenes of an immeasurably alien life, and yet the life of his son whom
he had loved and whom he still loved. Ah, no, he did not want to think
of the innumerable lowly and ugly and horrible events which whirled
past his mind in a ghostly panorama--the rooms, the courts, the houses
full of groaning, wretched bodies. To prevent himself from thinking of
these, he turned the pages of a book, hunted through a drawer filled
with old letters, and wandered tirelessly from room to room, followed
by the dog Freya.
Fleeing from these images, he encountered others that concerned the
realm of his work, in which the hopes of all his life were rooted and
had ripened, in which the very wheels of his existence had been set in
motion. He saw the great shops desolate, the furnaces extinguished,
the trip-hammers still, and from a thousand doors and windows arms in
gestures of command stretched out toward him who had thought himself
the master of them all. It was not the first time that a strike had
interfered with the intricate organization of the works. But it was the
first time that the feeling came to him that struggle was useless and
the end imminent.
And the question rose to his lips: “Why have you done this to me?”
And this question he addressed to Christian, as though Christian were
guilty of the demands of those who had once been willing slaves, of the
empty halls, the extinguished furnaces, the silent hammers--guilty,
somehow, because of his presence in those rooms amid harlots and
murderers, mad and sick men, and in all those haunts of human vermin.
Rage quivered up in him, one of those rare attacks that all but robbed
him of consciousness. His eyes seemed filled with blood; he sought
a sacrifice and a creature to make atonement, and observed the dog
gnawing at a rug. He took a bamboo stick, and beat the animal so that
it whined piteously--beat it for minutes, until his arm fell exhausted.
Calm came, and he felt remorse and shame. But the core of his anger
remained in his heart, and he carried it about with him like a hidden
poison. The gnawing and burning did not cease, and he knew that it
would not cease until he had had a reckoning with Christian, until
Christian had given some accounting of himself as man to man, son to
father, criminal to judge.
The rage corroded his soul. Yet what was the way out? How could he
reach Christian? How summon him to an accounting? No active step but
would betray his dignity. Was he doomed merely to wait? For weeks and
months? The silent rage gnawed at his very life.
VI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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