The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): RuthWassermann, Jakob
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The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): Ruth
Wassermann, Jakob
German fiction -- Translations into English
“You were going to tell me about Hilde Karstens and your foster-father,
Karen,” Christian said persuasively. “You made a promise.”
“For God’s sake, leave me alone! It’s so long ago I can’t remember
about it!” She almost whined the words. She held her head between her
hands and rested her elbows on her knees. Her sitting posture always
had a boastful lasciviousness. Thus women sit in low public houses.
Minutes passed. Christian sat down at the table facing her. “I want
to give the brat away,” she said defiantly. “I can’t stand looking at
it. Come across with the four thousand--do! I can’t, I just can’t bear
looking at it!”
“But strangers will let the child sicken and perhaps die,” said
Christian.
A grin, half coarse and half sombre, flitted across her face. Then
she grew pale. Again she saw that mirrored image of herself: it came
from afar, from the very end of the shaft. She shivered, and Christian
thought she was cold. He went for a shawl and covered her shoulders.
His gestures, as he did so, had something exquisitely chivalrous about
them. Karen asked for a cigarette. She smoked as one accustomed to it,
and the way she held the cigarette and let the smoke roll out of her
mouth or curl out from between pointed lips was also subtly lascivious.
Again some minutes passed. She was evidently struggling against the
confession. Her nervous fingers crushed one of the glass beads.
Then suddenly she spoke: “There’s many that isn’t born at all. Maybe
we’d love them. Maybe only the bad ones are born because we’re too low
to deserve the good ones. When I was a little girl I saw a boy carry
seven kittens in a sack to the pool to drown ’em. I was right there
when he spilled them into the water. They struggled like anything and
came up again and tried to get to land. But as soon as one of the
little heads came up, the boy whacked at it with a stick. Six of ’em
drowned, and only the ugliest of ’em managed to get into a bush and get
away. The others that was drowned--they was pretty and dainty.”
“You’re bleeding,” said Christian. The broken bead had cut her hand.
Christian wiped the blood with his handkerchief. She let him do it
quietly, while her gaze was fixed on old visions that approached and
receded. The tension was such that Christian dared scarcely breathe.
Upon his lips hovered that strange, equivocal smile that always
deceived men concerning his sympathies.
He said softly: “You have something definite in mind now, Karen.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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