Americans -- England -- Fiction; Diary fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- England -- Fiction
With the fragrance of ripening fruit, and the warmth of the brick wall
about me,--September is September everywhere,--I sit here upon my own
threshold, a worn old threshold made wise by the coming and going of
life through unnumbered years. There is something comforting about a
place where many lives have been lived; the windows have a strange air
of wisdom, as if experience itself were looking out. I am tired,
physically tired, with all the work, but I am well content with it: are
you? All within is nearly finished. Your books, for your mother gave me
many of them, are in a set of shelves I had made by the fireplace; my
own in a low case that runs all across one side of the room. The window
seats have chintz cushions; two easy chairs flank the fireplace; the
old walnut table with reading lamp is placed where it can command
either the flame of the hearth or the sunset flame: do you like all
this, I wonder? In the little dining room a stately armchair stands
ready for you always, as befits the master of the house, and your place
at table shall be always set, the cover laid. So begins our divine
housekeeping, you on your side, I on mine--alas!--of the universe and
life and time.
Last night I laid a scarf of yours, which I had been wearing, across
your chair; Don sniffed at it and whimpered, then jumped up into the
chair and whined piteously. No, do not be afraid! I shall not whine,
even if my heart break. I shall come to you smiling, belovèd, and
whatever wrinkles are on my face shall not be worn by tears. Everybody
is _game_ in England now; I will be game too! There are no cowards
among those who go to fight, or those who are left at home: my
battlefield lies here. You need not think I am going to mourn in
loneliness; I shall not let you go, though you are dead; I am going to
live my life in and for you, and every least wish I ever heard you
express shall be carried out. After dinner Don and I sat on the rug in
front of the fire and talked about you; it is sorry comfort for both of
us, but it is all we have. For him, as for me, I think, the sense of
you comes more strongly in favoured nooks and corners, by the fire on
the hearth, or by the living room windows in the sunshine. He knows you
better than anybody else does, except me, and I sometimes feel,--at
least, he remembers farther back than I can, and I am envious of him
and of every one else who knew you first. He has chosen his permanent
abiding-place, for he went close to the right side of the hearth, sat
down, wagged his tail beseechingly, and held up one paw as he does when
he is begging for things.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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