The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
“You don’t know, Ethel, how happy you’ve made me.... I have thought
of you every day. In the evenings, I used to sit alone, remembering
you and all the happy days we had together, and the remembrance of
them has been a great joy to me. I used to go over them all, again and
again. The day that we all went to Morecambe, and that walk along the
seashore, when the tide caught us, and I carried you across the water
... the time that we went to those ruins, and you wore the primroses I
picked for you. And I used to read over all your letters, and remember
all the things you used to say. Downstairs, under the writing-table,
there is a black, tin cash-box--the key is on my bunch--Mrs. Parkin
will give it you. It’s where I’ve kept everything that has reminded
me of you, all this time. Will you take it back with you?... You
don’t know how you’ve helped me all these years--I wanted to tell you
that.... When I was in difficulties, I used to wonder how you would
have liked me to act.... When I was lonely and low-spirited, I used to
tell myself that you were happy.” He paused for breath, and his voice
died slowly in the stillness of the room. “You were quite right,” he
murmured almost inaudibly, “I see it all quite clearly now.”
She was bending over him, and was framing his face in her two hands.
“Say I was wrong,” she pleaded passionately. “Say I was wicked, wrong.
I loved you, Alec.... I was promised to you. I should have been so
happy with you, dear.... Alec, my Alec, do not die.... God will not
let you die.... He cannot be so cruel.... Come back, Alec.... I love
you.... Do you hear, my Alec? I love you.... Ethel loves you.... Before
God I love you.... I was promised to you.... I broke my word.... I
loved you all the time, but I did not know it.... Forgive me, my Alec
... forgive me.... I shall love you always.”
He passed his fingers over her forehead tentatively, as if he were in
darkness.
“Ethel, every day, every hour, all these years, you have been with me.
And now I am going away. Kiss me--just once--just once. There can be no
wrong in it now.”
She tore her veil from her face: their lips met, and her head rested a
moment, sobbing on his shoulder.
“Hush! don’t cry, Ethel dear, don’t cry. You have made me so glad....
And you will remember to take the box.... And you will think of me
sometimes.... And I shall pray God to make you happy, and I shall wait
for you, Ethel, and be with you in thought, and if you have trouble,
you will know that I shall be sorrowing with you. Isn’t it so, dear?...
Now, good-bye, dear one--good-bye. May God watch over you.”
She had moved away. She came back again, however, and kissed his
forehead reverently. But he was not aware of her return, for his mind
had begun to wander.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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