Jews -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
He loves her. He has
worked upon her sympathies. In despair--hopeless of any happiness for
herself--out of pity--she has consented to marry him. He has importuned
her--tired her with his entreaties--until she has consented.....But
not for love.... Don't tell me she loves him--that my own beautiful
Christine--dark-eyed Christine--loves another man--that man. Oh, the
fool, the complacent fool, if he dares to imagine that! That she--my
glorious Christine--mine, I say--once mine, always mine--my own--wholly
mine--weren't our very souls burned together, into one?--that _she_
loves _him!_ Why, it makes me laugh! The poor, fatuous fool!.... And
yet.... she.... she is going to marry him.... to be his wife.... He is
going to possess her.... have the right to see her, hear her, touch her,
every day.... while I--I--Oh, no! He thinks so, does he? I will show
him. I will defeat him yet. It is not yet too late. I will go to
her--I--now--at once--I will go to _her_--to Christine--yes--and see
her, and speak to her, and touch her--take her in my arms--oh, God!--and
tell her how I love her--and how I have suffered--and how I have never
ceased to love her--. and pour it all out at her feet--all my love and
sorrow and remorse--at her feet--now--to-day--before it is too late--and
she--she will forgive me, and forget all the pain I have caused her--all
the pain and shame--poor Christine, sweet little Christine, whom I hurt
so!--she will forgive me, and--and love me again--she will love me--she
_does_ love me--she _must_ love me, I tell you--yes--she will come
to me, and love me--and we--she and I--we will go away together--to
Europe--to South America--somewhere--anywhere--she and I--Christine
and I--together--we will go away together, and--and.... Oh, what am I
saying? God forgive me! What a low, miserable wretch I am! As if I had
any power, any right! No, no! she will marry him. He will be happy.
Perhaps he will make her happy. Why not? He is good and honest and
well-to-do. He loves her, and will be kind to her. Why shouldn't he make
her happy? Oh, Christine. I hope he will. If you will only be happy,
then I shan't mind. God bless her, and make her happy. She will marry
him, and she will love him in a certain way, in a quiet, peaceful way,
and she will have children, and be contented, and live in comfort
and peace--quietly--gently--forgetting me, and the pain I caused her,
and--Oh, God! Oh, God! My punishment is greater than I can bear.”
He fell in an inert mass upon the floor, and covered his face with
his hands, and moaned again incoherently; until again, all at once, he
sprang to his feet, and, striding back and forth, as before, again began
to talk to himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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