Jews -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
For a good while he struck nothing more of interest--nothing that he
cared to save, or even to look at twice. But by and by he fished out a
sketch-book, which, to judge from the dilapidated state of its binding,
must have been pretty old, and over which he paused, beating it against
the floor, to rid it of some of its dust, and then opening it, to
inspect its contents. On the fly-leaf he found his initials, “E. B.,”
and a date, “January, 1876.” Listlessly turning the pages, he was
somewhat amused, and a good deal ashamed, to perceive how poor and crude
the drawings were--heads, for the most part, with only here and there
a full-length figure; and he congratulated himself not a little that he
had thus chanced to run across it, because now he could destroy it,
and so make sure that nobody else should ever have the satisfaction of
seeing what wretched stuff he had once been capable of perpetrating. He
supposed that the sketches had nearly all been intended as portraits,
but in the main he could not place them--could not remember the persons
who had served as models. One face kept repeating itself; there were as
many as a dozen separate studies of it; the face of a young man, aged,
presumably, nineteen or twenty years; strangely familiar; the face of
some one, beyond doubt, whom he must have known intimately; and yet,
knitting his brows, and exerting his memory to the utmost, he was quite
unable to recall the original. Odd; and intensely annoying, as baffled
memory is apt to be; until, of a sudden, with a thrill of recognition
that was by no means agreeable, he identified it as himself. A few pages
further along, again with a sudden thrill, but this time with a far
stronger and deeper one, he came upon a portrait of his mother. It was
badly drawn, finical, over-elaborated; the draperies rigid as iron;
the flesh wooden; the pose--she was seated, reading--awkward, and
anatomically impossible; and yet, spite of all, it was an excellent,
even a startling, likeness; and-happening upon it in this unexpected
manner, Elias felt a not unnatural heart-leap and quickening of the
pulse. When, or under what circumstances, he had made it, he could not
think. He bent forward in his chair, gazed intently at it, and tried
hard to recollect. If the date on the fly-leaf was trustworthy, it must,
of course, have been after the first of January, 1876; but in his own
memory, ransack it as he might, he could find no record; This struck him
as exceedingly singular; because, he believed, he had been careful to
preserve all the sketches of his mother that he had ever taken, even the
most primitive and rudimentary; and how this one could not only have
got mislaid, but entirely have escaped his mind, besides, he was at a
complete loss to understand. So bending forward, and gazing intently at
it, he tried his best to recollect.
Of what now befell, or seemed to befall, I shall give an account written
some two years later by Elias himself, in a letter to Christine:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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