Boarding schools -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Medical students -- Fiction
The black-coated people in the dining-room did not hear him: they were
far too busy being serious: and behind them, from time to time, Edwin
could see the grey face of his father, with curiously tired and puzzled
eyes. Puzzled . . . that was the only word for them. It was just as if
the man were protesting, in all simplicity, against the unreason and
injustice of the blow which had fallen on him. Edwin, savagely hating
the presence of all these hushed, uninterested people, found in his
father’s suffering face a sudden reinforcement to his anger. It was a
shame, a damned, ghastly shame, that a simple man like that should be hit
in the dark; and even more pathetic that he should be simple enough to
take the sympathy of his neighbours at its face value. Edwin glowed with
a new and protective love for his father. It was as well that some
generous emotion should be born to take the place of his numb grief.
Above all, the sight of his Aunt Laura, who was conscientiously doing the
honours of the house, maddened him. He could not look at her without
remembering that she had been selfish and unkind to his mother; that, on
the very last day, she had robbed him of the privilege of seeing his
darling alive. Even now, he believed that she was enjoying herself. Her
eyes occasionally brimmed with tears, but that meant nothing. They were
such easy tears . . . so different from the terrible tears that had
shaken his father’s body on the day of desolation. If only she were
dead, he thought, there would be no great loss.
And yet, while he thought of this, he suddenly caught sight of her
husband, the little manufacturer whom he had lately begun to know as
Uncle Albert, a small man with a shiny bald head and a diffident manner:
and in the eyes of Uncle Albert, which were fixed upon his wife, he saw
an extraordinary mixture of love and admiration for this shallow, diffuse
creature whom he had found himself hating.
“If Aunt Laura were to die,” he thought, “Uncle Albert might very well be
like father is to-day. That’s a queer idea. . . .” He was amazed at the
complications of human relationships and the potential pain that love
brings with it. He thought, “It’s no good thinking about it. . . . I
give it up. I don’t really wish she were dead. I only wish . . . that
there were no such thing as death. Why does God allow it?” No answer
came to him: but in place of an answer another angry impulse. “Curse
God,” he thought, meaning the God of Mr. Leeming, the God to whom this
queer collection of people were to dedicate his mother’s soul. Another
thought followed quickly: “What’s the good of cursing him? He doesn’t
exist. If he existed this sort of thing couldn’t happen. . . .”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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