The woman felt this--she felt that she could most truly serve the race
by being true to the dreams of her womanhood. She felt that the work
she was doing was not her real work but a makeshift to be undertaken
under protest and discarded without regret when her opportunity to
enter upon the real work of her life should present itself. But still,
even while feeling this, gradually there had come to be, for her, an
amount of satisfaction in knowing that she was succeeding in that
which she had set her hand to do. In the increasing reward she
received, in the advanced position she occupied, in the deference that
was shown her, in the authority that was given her, in the larger
interests that were intrusted to her, and even in the attitude of
those who held her to be a convincing example of the newest womanhood,
there was coming to be a kind of satisfaction.
Then came that day when the woman expressed a little of this
satisfaction to the man who had always understood and who had been
always so kind. In this, too, the woman felt that he understood.
The man had not sought to take advantage of the intimacy she had
granted him in those trying days when Death had come into her life. He
had never failed in being kind and considerate in the thousand little
things of the work that brought them together and that gave her
opportunity to learn his goodness and the genuine worth of his
manhood. Nor had he failed to make her understand that still he hoped
for the time when she would go with him into the life beyond the old,
old, door. But that day, when she made known to him, a little, her
growing satisfaction in that which the world called her success, she
saw that he was hurt. For the first time he seemed to be troubled and
afraid for her.
Very gravely lie looked down into her eyes. Very gravely he
congratulated her. And then, quietly and convincingly, with words of
authority, he pointed out to her the possible heights she might
reach--would reach--if she continued. He told her of the place that
she, if she chose, might gain. He spoke of the reward that would be
hers. And, as he talked to her of these things, he saw the light of
interest and anticipation kindling in her eyes. Sadly he saw it. Then,
pausing--hesitating--he asked her slowly: "Do you really think that it
is, after all, worth while? For _you_, I mean, do you think that
it would be a satisfying success?" He did not wish to interfere with
her career, he said--and smiled a little at the word. He would even
help her if--if--she was sure that such a career would bring her the
real happiness he so much wanted her to have.
And the woman, as the man looked into her eyes and as she saw the
trouble in his thoughtful face and listened to his gravely spoken
words, felt ashamed. Remembering, again, the dreams of her womanhood,
she was ashamed. From that day, the woman was haunted by the thought
of Failure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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