Why, she asked herself, why could she not open the door of her heart
to this man who had been so good to her--so true to her and to
himself? If he had taken advantage in any way, if he had sought to use
his power, she would not have cared so much. But because she knew him
so well; because she had seen his splendid character, his fine
manhood, his kindness of heart, and his strength; because of the
dreams of her womanhood; she had tried to open the door and bid him
take possession of her heart that was as an empty room furnished and
ready. But she could not. She seemed to have lost the key.
Why--why--could she not give this man what he asked? Why could she not
go with him into the life of her dreams? What was it that held her
back? What was it that held shut the door of her womanhood against
him? Could it be that, after all, she was fit only for the career upon
which she was already entered? Could it be that she was not worthy to
enter into the life her womanhood craved--the life for which she had
longed with such passionate longing--the life she had desired with
such holy desire? Could it be that she was unworthy of her womanhood?
Bitterly this woman, who knew herself to be a woman, who had dreamed
the dreams of womanhood, and who was pointed out as a successful
woman--bitterly she felt that she had failed.
She knew that her failure could not be because she had squandered the
wealth of her womanhood. Very carefully had she kept the treasures of
her womanhood for the coming of that one for whom she waited--knowing
not who he was but only that she would know him when he came. Might it
be that he _had_ come and she did not know him? Might it be that
the heart of her womanhood did not know? If this was so then, indeed,
Life itself is but an accident and must trust to blind chance the
fulfillment of its most sacred mission--the perpetuation and
perfection of itself.
That the Creator should give laws for the right mating of all his
creatures except man--leaving men and women, alone, with no guide to
lead them aright in this relationship that is most vital to the
species--is unthinkable. Deeply implanted in the hearts of men and
women there is, also, an instinct; an instinct that is superior to the
dictates of the social, financial, or ecclesiastical will. And it is
this natural instinct of mate selection that should govern the
marriages of human kind as truly as it marries the birds of the fields
and the wild things that mate in the forests.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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