“To the man it seemed a miracle. The dream of those early days came back
to him. Surely there was nothing now to separate them. Nothing had
changed but the years, bringing to them both wider sympathies, calmer,
more enduring emotions. She welcomed him again with the old kind smile,
a warmer pressure of the hand; and, allowing a little time to pass for
courtesy’s sake, he told her what was the truth: that he had never ceased
to love her, never ceased to keep the vision of her fair pure face before
him, his ideal of all that man could find of help in womanhood. And her
answer, until years later he read the explanation, remained a mystery to
him. She told him that she loved him, that she had never loved any other
man and never should; that his love, for so long as he chose to give it
to her, she should always prize as the greatest gift of her life. But
with that she prayed him to remain content.
“He thought perhaps it was a touch of woman’s pride, of hurt dignity that
he had kept silent so long, not trusting her; that perhaps as time went
by she would change her mind. But she never did; and after awhile,
finding that his persistence only pained her, he accepted the situation.
She was not the type of woman about whom people talk scandal, nor would
it have troubled her much had they done so. Able now to work where he
would, he took a house in a neighbouring village, where for the best part
of the year he lived, near to her. And to the end they remained lovers.”
“I think I understand,” said Robina. “I will tell you afterwards if I am
wrong.”
“I told the story to a woman many years ago,” I said, “and she also
thought she understood. But she was only half right.”
“We will see,” said Robina. “Go on.”
“She left a letter, to be given to him after her death, in case he
survived her; if not, to be burned unopened. In it she told him her
reason, or rather her reasons, for having refused him. It was an odd
letter. The ‘reasons’ sounded so pitiably insufficient. Until one took
the pains to examine them in the cold light of experience. And then her
letter struck one, not as foolish, but as one of the grimmest
commentaries upon marriage that perhaps had ever been penned.
“It was because she had wished always to remain his ideal; to keep their
love for one another to the end, untarnished; to be his true helpmeet in
all things, that she had refused to marry him.
“Had he spoken that morning she had waited for him in the lane—she had
half hoped, half feared it—she might have given her promise: ‘For Youth,’
so she wrote, ‘always dreams it can find a new way.’ She thanked God
that he had not.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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