They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
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They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
“Vell,” said T-S--and suddenly he had an inspiration. “I know. I git
Mary Magna to give it! She's a voman!”
Carpenter turned with sudden wonder. “Then women are permitted to
have hearts?”
“Shoost so, Mr. Carpenter! Ha, ha, ha! Ve business fellers--my Gawd,
if you knew vot business is, you'd vunder we got hearts enough to
keep our blood movin'.”
“Business,” said Carpenter, still pondering. “Then it's business--”
“Yes, business--” put in T-S. “Dat's it!” And he lowered his voice,
and looked round once more. “It's time we vas talkin' business now!
Mr. Carpenter, I be frank vit you, I put all my cards on de table. I
seen de papers shoost now, vot vunderful tings you do--healin' de
sick and quellin' de mobs and all dat--and I tink I gotta raise my
offer, Mr. Carpenter. If you sign a contract I got here in my
pocket, I pay you a tousand dollars a veek. Vot you say, my friend?”
Carpenter did not say anything, and so the magnate began to
expatiate upon the artistic triumphs he would achieve. “I make such
a picture fer you as de vorld never seen before. You can do shoost
vot you vant in dat story--all de tings you like to do, and nuttin'
you didn't like. I never said dat to no man before, but I know you
now, Mr. Carpenter, and all I ask you is to heal de sick and quell
de mobs, shoost like today. I pledge you my vord--I put it in de
contract if you say so--I make nuttin' but Bible pictures.”
“That is very kind of you, Mr. T-S, and I thank you for the
compliment; but I fear you will have to get some one else to play my
part.”
Said T-S: “I vant you to tink, Mr. Carpenter, vot it vould mean if
you had a tousand dollars every week. You could feed all de babies
of de strikers. I vouldn't care vot you did--you could feed my own
strikers, ven I git some at Eternal City. A tousand dollars a veek
is an awful pile o' money to have!”
“I know that, my friend.”
“And vot's more, I pay you five tousand cash on de signin' of de
contract. You can go right in now vit dese strikers--maybe you could
beat Prince's vit all dat money!” Then, as Carpenter still shook his
head: “I give you vun more raise, my friend--but dat's de last, you
gotta believe me. I pay you fifteen hunded a veek. I aint ever paid
so much money to a green actor in my life before, and I don't tink
anybody else in de business ever did.”
But still Carpenter shook his head!
“Vould you mind tellin' me vy, Mr. Carpenter?”
“Not at all. You tell me that I may quell mobs for you. But there
are mobs in your business that I could not quell.”
“Vot mobs?”
“Among others, yourself.”
“Me?”
“Yes--you are a mob; a mob of money! You storm the souls of men, and
of women too. It will take a stronger force than I to quell you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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