They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
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They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
“Stuyvesant Gunning! Stand up!” And the president of the Fidelity
National obeyed. Apparently Carpenter proposed to call the whole
roll of financial directors; but the procedure was halted suddenly,
as a tall, white-robed figure strode from its seat near the choir.
Young Sidney Simpkinson, assistant to the rector, went up to
Carpenter and took him by the arm.
“Leave this house of God,” he commanded.
The other faced him. “It is written, Thou shalt not take the name of
the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless
that taketh His name in vain.”
Young Simpkinson wasted no further words in parley. He was an
advocate of what is known as “muscular Christianity,” and kept
himself in trim playing on the parish basket-ball team. He flung his
strong arms about Carpenter, and half carrying him, half walking
him, took him down the steps and down the aisle. As he went,
Carpenter was proclaiming: “It is written, My house shall be called
a house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves. He that
steals little is called a pickpocket, but he that steals much is
called a pillar of the church. Verily, he that deprives the laborer
of the fruit of his toil is more dangerous than he that robs upon
the highway; and he that steals the state and the powers of
government is the father of all thieves.”
By that time, the prophet had been hustled two-thirds down the
aisle; and then came a new development. Unobserved by anyone, a
number of Carpenter's followers had come with him into the church;
and these, seeing the way he was being handled, set up a cry: “For
shame! For shame!” I saw Everett, secretary to T-S, and Korwsky,
secretary of the tailor's union; I saw some one leap at Everett and
strike him a ferocious blow in the teeth, and two other men leap
upon the little Russian and hurl him to the ground.
I started up, involuntarily. “Oh, shame! Shame!” I cried, and would
have rushed out into the aisle. But I had to pass my uncle, and he
had no intention of letting me make myself a spectacle. He threw his
arms about me, and pinned me against the pew in front; and as he is
one of the ten ranking golfers at the Western City Country Club, his
embrace carried authority. I struggled, but there I stayed,
shouting, “For shame! For shame!” and my uncle exclaiming, in a
stern whisper, “Shut up! Sit down, you fool!” and my Aunt Caroline
holding onto my coat-tails, crying, and my aunt Jennie threatening
to faint.
The melee came quickly to an end, for the men of the congregation
seized the half dozen disturbers and flung them outside, and mounted
guard to make sure they did not return. I sank back into my seat, my
worthy uncle holding my arm tightly with both hands, lest I should
try to make my escape over the laps of Aunt Caroline and Aunt
Jennie.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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