People who have met with few difficulties in their undertakings, soon
teach themselves to trust the execution of any thing they themselves
find troublesome, to others, and look upon their carrying it through
easily as a matter of course; and as Beauchamp, though not in general
given to _insouciance_, was just then in a state of mental irritation
and impatience, which rendered long reflection of any kind irksome to
him, he determined to throw the burden of the business upon the
shoulders of the miser. "I will tell him," he thought, "to write a
note to William Delaware, the first thing tomorrow, informing him that
he has sent the money by a friend to-night, and is ready to execute
the legal documents in regard to the whole transaction." Having so far
made his arrangements in his own mind, he walked on slowly, beginning
to feel somewhat weary with his day's exertion; and, as he did
so--every other subject which could force his thoughts from the most
painful object they could choose being lost for the time--memory
naturally led him back to dream of Blanche Delaware, and her strange
and unaccountable conduct toward himself. That he loved her as deeply
and as sincerely as man could love woman, he now felt but too
painfully; but, notwithstanding good Mrs. Wilson's sentimental
anticipations of his antique Roman impatience of existence, Beauchamp
was the last man on earth to drown himself under any circumstances
whatever. Not that he did not feel that the gloss and splendor was, to
him, gone from the earth forever--not that he did not feel that his
love would endure to his last hour, mingling the poison drop of
disappointment through all the cup of life--not that wounded pride,
and broken hopes, and rebuked self-confidence, and all that can
embitter man's feelings, were not poured like gall and wormwood into
his heart--but, somehow, he had acquired a strange notion, that to lay
hands upon one's own life was not only immoral and unchristian, but
was also cowardly and stupid--the act of a madman, a lout, or a
barbarian. He had never been one of those men that particularly value
life; and certainly he felt that, at the present moment, if any one
had been inclined to take it from him, it was a sort of commodity he
could part with without great regret. Yet, at the same time, even in
that case, he would probably have defended it as a matter of course;
and, as to throwing it away by his voluntary act, such a thing never
entered his mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account