American wit and humor; Evolution (Biology) -- Wit and humor
We fight best in armies, gregariously, where the risk is reduced;
but we disapprove usually of murderers, and of almost all private
combat. With the great cats, it would have been just the other way
round. (Lions and leopards fight each other singly, not in bands,
as do monkeys.)
As a matter of fact, few of us delight in really serious fighting.
We do love to bicker; and we box and knock each other around, to
exhibit our strength; but few normal simians are keen about bloodshed
and killing; we do it in war only because of patriotism, revenge,
duty, glory. A feline civilization would have cared nothing for duty
or glory, but they would have taken a far higher pleasure in gore.
If a planet of super-cat-men could look down upon ours, they would
not know which to think was the most amazing: the way we tamely live,
five million or so in a city, with only a few police to keep us
quiet, while we commit only one or two murders a day, and hardly
have a respectable number of brawls; or the way great armies of us
are trained to fight,--not liking it much, and yet doing more killing
in wartime and shedding more blood than even the fiercest lion on his
cruelest days. Which would perplex a gentlemanly super-cat spectator
the more, our habits of wholesale slaughter in the field, or our
spiritless making a fetish of "order," at home?
It is fair to judge peoples by the rights they will sacrifice most
for. Super-cat-men would have been outraged, had their right of
personal combat been questioned. The simian submits with odd
readiness to the loss of this privilege. What outrages him is
to make him stop wagging his tongue. He becomes most excited and
passionate about the right of free speech, even going so far in his
emotion as to declare it is sacred.
He looks upon other creatures pityingly because they are dumb.
If one of his own children is born dumb, he counts it a tragedy.
Even that mere hesitation in speech, known as stammering, he deems
a misfortune.
So precious to a simian is the privilege of making sounds with his
tongue, that when he wishes to punish severely those men he calls
criminals, he forbids them to chatter, and forces them by threats
to be silent. It is felt that his punishment is entirely too cruel
however and even the worst offenders should be allowed to talk part
of each day.
Whatever a simian does, there must always be some talking about it.
He can't even make peace without a kind of chatter called a peace
conference. Super-cats would not have had to "make" peace: they
would have just walked off and stopped fighting.
In a world of super-cat-men, I suppose there would have been fewer
sailors; and people would have cared less for seaside resorts, or
for swimming. Cats hate getting wet, so men descended from them
might have hated it. They would have felt that even going in
wading was sign of great hardihood, and only the most daring young
fellows, showing off, would have done it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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