England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- England -- Fiction
With one of those unaccountable flashes by which an image is suddenly
brought into our memory, there started before him a remembrance of her
in the old Vicarage garden, that Sunday morning when he and she had
strolled together to the mulberry-tree,--the quaintly formal hollyhocks,
the busy martins flashing in and out, the daisies in the grass, Winifred
softly singing the old psalm tune, and laying the cool rose against her
cheek. Had he forgotten one of her words that day, this Winifred whom
he did not love? And then he thought of her again at a time which he
had never liked to look back upon, that winter day when she had met him
in the lane, a spot of warm colour amidst the faded browns and greys,--
thought of the gate and the cold distant moorland, and the words which
had struck a chill into his life. It had seemed to him then as if it
had been she who had done it, and he had never been able to dissociate
her from her tidings; so that no generous pity for the woman who had
wounded him, nor any understanding that she had done it because from
another it might have come with too cruel harshness, had stirred his
heart, until now when another compassion had forced the door, turned his
eyes from himself, and shown him what Winifred had been.
The darkness reveals many things to us, and that night other things were
abroad in the darkness,--death, the unfulfilled purpose of one whom he
had chosen to regard as his enemy, if, indeed, it were not rather that
God had fulfilled it in his own more perfect way,--these were working
upon him, however unconsciously. Yet those revelations were full of
anguish, opening out mistake after mistake in a manner which to a man
who has over-trusted himself becomes an intolerable reproach. The
accusation which had seemed literally to blast his life stood before him
in juster, soberer proportions; his manner of meeting it became more
cowardly and faithless, made bitter by an almost entire forgetfulness of
the Hand from which the trial came. And in the midst of his angry
despair, by his own act he must deliberately add another pang to his
lot, and, putting away his friends, bind himself for life to a woman for
whom his strongest feeling was the fancy for a smiling face. Perhaps,
as yet, he hardly knew how slight that feeling was, but even by this
time he was bitterly tasting the draught his own weakness had prepared.
These thoughts all came to him with a quiet significance, adding tenfold
to their power, yet touched by a certain solemn gravity which gave him
the sense for which he most craved just now, the old childlike
trustfulness in an overruling care. As we sow, so we must reap, but
even the saddest harvest may yield us good sheaves, though not the crop
we longed and hoped to gather. And this night was the first hour which
seemed to bring Anthony face to face with his own work.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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