Artists and patrons -- Fiction; Authors and readers -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Italy -- Fiction; Satire
The bread was stale, the sausage rather horsey and spiced with garlic;
but Mr. Cardan, who had had no tea, ate with a relish. Still more
appreciatively he drank. In a little while he felt a little more
cheerful. Such are the little crosses, he reflected philosophically, the
little crosses one has to bear when one sets out to earn money. If he
got through the evening without falling into a ditch, he’d feel that he
had paid lightly for his treasure. The greatest bore was these
mosquitoes; he lighted a cigar and tried to fumigate them to a
respectable distance. Without much success, however. Perhaps the brutes
were malarial, too. There might be a little of the disease still hanging
about in these marshes; one never knew. It would be tiresome to end
one’s days with recurrent fever and an enlarged spleen. It would be
tiresome, for that matter, to end one’s days anyhow, in one’s bed or
out, naturally or unnaturally, by the act of God or of the King’s
enemies. Mr. Cardan’s thoughts took on, all at once, a dismal
complexion. Old age, sickness, decrepitude; the bath-chair, the doctor,
the bright efficient nurse; and the long agony, the struggle for breath,
the thickening darkness, the end, and then—how did that merry little
song go?
More work for the undertaker,
’Nother little job for the coffin-maker.
At the local cemetery they are
Very very busy with a brand new grave.
He’ll keep warm next winter.
Mr. Cardan hummed the tune to himself cheerfully enough. But his tough,
knobbly face became so hard, so strangely still, an expression of such
bitterness, such a profound melancholy, appeared in his winking and his
supercilious eye that it would have startled and frightened a man to
look at him. But there was nobody in that deepening twilight to see him.
He sat there alone.
At the local cemetery they are
Very very busy with a brand new grave....
He went on humming. “If I were to fall sick,” he was thinking, “who
would look after me? Suppose one were to have a stroke. Hemorrhage on
the brain; partial paralysis; mumbling speech; the tongue couldn’t utter
what the brain thought; one was fed like a baby; clysters; such a bright
doctor, rubbing his hands and smelling of disinfectant and
eau-de-Cologne; saw nobody but the nurse; no friends; or once a week,
perhaps, for an hour, out of charity; ‘Poor old Cardan, done for, I’m
afraid; must send the old chap a fiver—hasn’t a penny, you know; get up
a subscription; what a bore; astonishing that he can last so long....’”
He’ll keep warm next winter.
The tune ended on a kind of trumpet call, rising from the dominant to
the tonic—one dominant, three repeated tonics, drop down again to the
dominant and then on the final syllable of “winter” the last tonic.
Finis, and no _da capo_, no second movement.
Mr. Cardan took another swig from his bottle; it was nearly empty now.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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