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But there are cases, of which mine was one, where one party may be
inspired by the mere indefinite wantonness I have been describing, while
the other is already imagination-ridden and in love. Poor Dorothy! There
came into her eyes when I kissed her a look such as I have never seen in
any other human eyes before or since. It was the look one sees in the
eyes of a dog when its master is angry and raises his whip—a look of
absolute self-abasement mingled with terror. There was something
positively appalling in seeing those eyes staring at one out of a
woman’s face. To see a human being reduced in one’s arms to the
condition of a frightened and adoring dog is a shocking thing. And the
more so in this case since it was completely indifferent to me whether
she was in my arms or not. But when she raised her face and looked at me
for a moment with those abject and terrified eyes of hers, it was not
merely indifferent to me; it was even positively distasteful. The sight
of those large-pupilled eyes, in which there was no glimmer of a human
rational soul, but only an animal’s terror and abasement, made me feel
at once guilty and, complementarily, angry, resentful and hostile.
“Why do you look at me like that?” I asked her once. “As though you were
frightened of me.”
She did not answer; but only hid her face against my shoulder, and
pressed me more closely in her arms. Her body shook with involuntary
startings and tremblings. Casually, from force of habit, I caressed her.
The trembling became more violent. “Don’t,” she implored me in a faint
hoarse whisper, “don’t.” But she pressed me still closer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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