HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII It seems to me that nothing now hinders me from taking flight, for I no longer have any great desires, save to love, even unto dying of love. I am free, I have no fear, not even of what I most dreaded; I mean the fear of being a long time ill and consequently a burthen to the Community. If it gives pleasure to the good God I willingly consent to see my life of suffering, both of soul and body, prolonged for years. Oh! no, I do not fear a long life. I do not shun the combat. “_The Lord is the rock upon which I am founded. Who teacheth my hands to fight and my fingers to war; He is my protector in whom I have hoped._”[71] Never have I asked God to let me die young; it is true I have ever believed that it would be so, but without seeking to obtain it. HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. IX Whatever the good God has given me has always pleased me, even the gifts which have appeared to me less good and less beautiful than those received by others. COUNSELS AND REMINISCENCES I have no greater desire to die than to live; if our Lord gave me the choice I would choose nothing; I only will what He wills; it is what He does that I love. HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII “Some think you are afraid of death,” they said to her.--“That may indeed yet happen; I never depend on my own thoughts, knowing how weak I am; but at present I will rejoice in the sentiments that the good God now gives me, there will be time enough to suffer from the contrary.” HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII A sister said to her: “If anyone goes straight to Heaven, you surely will not spend one moment in Purgatory!” “Oh! I feel little anxiety about that; I shall always be content with the sentence of the good God. If I go to Purgatory, well--I shall walk in the midst of the flames, like the three Hebrews in the furnace, singing the Canticle of Love.” COUNSELS AND REMINISCENCES FOOTNOTES: [66] Office of St. Cæcilia. [67] Luke, ii, 14. [68] Wisdom, iv, 1. [69] St. John of the Cross. [70] Job, xiii, 15. [71] _Cf._ Ps., cxliii, 1, 2, 3. [Illustration] GRATITUDE Oh, how happy God makes me! How easy and how sweet it is to serve Him upon earth. HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. X Seeing several of my companions form special attachments to some one or other of our mistresses, I wished to follow their example but could not succeed therein. O happy inability! from how great evils has it saved me.... How I thank God for having made me find only bitterness in the friendships of earth. With a heart such as mine I should have been captured and had my wings clipped; then how should I have been able to _fly away and be at rest_.[72]