Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Never mind trying to raise your hat," said Jane. "If you've lost the
combination, we'll dispense with the formalities. What we're anxious to
hear is what you're doing in the house at this time of night, and who
your pals are. Come along, my lad, make a clean breast of it and
perhaps you'll get off easier. Are you a gang?"
"Do I look like a gang?"
"If you ask me what you look like...."
"My name is Marlowe ... Samuel Marlowe...."
"Alias what?"
"Alias nothing! I say my name is Samuel Marlowe...."
An explosive roar burst from Mr. Bennett. "The scoundrel! I know him! I
forbade him the house, and...."
"And by what right did you forbid people my house, Mr. Bennett?" said
Mrs. Hignett with acerbity.
"I've rented the house, Mortimer and I rented it from your son...."
"Yes, yes, yes," said Jane Hubbard. "Never mind about that. So you know
this fellow, do you?"
"I don't know him!"
"You said you did."
"I refuse to know him!" went on Mr. Bennett. "I won't know him! I
decline to have anything to do with him!"
"But you identify him?"
"If he says he's Samuel Marlowe," assented Mr. Bennett grudgingly, "I
suppose he is. I can't imagine anybody saying he was Samuel Marlowe if
he didn't know it could be proved against him."
"_Are_ you my nephew Samuel?" said Mrs. Hignett.
"Yes," said Sam.
"Well, what are you doing in my house?"
"It's _my_ house," said Mr. Bennett, "for the summer, Henry
Mortimer's and mine. Isn't that right, Henry?"
"Dead right," said Mr. Mortimer.
"There!" said Mr. Bennett. "You hear? And when Henry Mortimer says a
thing, it's so. There's nobody's word I'd take before Henry
Mortimer's."
"When Rufus Bennett makes an assertion," said Mr. Mortimer, highly
flattered by these kind words, "you can bank on it, Rufus Bennett's
word is his bond. Rufus Bennett is a white man!"
The two old friends clasped hands with a good deal of feeling.
"I am not disputing Mr. Bennett's claim to belong to the Caucasian
race," said Mrs. Hignett, "I merely maintain that this house is...."
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" interrupted Jane. "You can thresh all that out
some other time. The point is, if this fellow is your nephew, I don't
see what we can do. We'll have to let him go."
"I came to this house," said Sam, raising his vizor to facilitate
speech, "to make a social call...."
"At this hour of the night!" snapped Mrs. Hignett. "You always were
an inconsiderate boy, Samuel."
"I came to enquire after poor Eustace's ankle. I've only just heard
that the poor chap was ill."
"He's getting along quite well," said Jane, melting. "If I had known
you were so fond of Eustace...."
"All right, is he?" said Sam.
"Well, not quite all right, but he's going on very nicely."
"Fine!"
"Eustace and I are engaged, you know!"
"No, really? Splendid! I can't see you very distinctly--how those
Johnnies in the old days ever contrived to put up a scrap with things like
this on their heads beats me--but you sound a good sort. I hope you'll
be very happy."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account