Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Thank you ever so much, Mr. Marlowe. I'm sure we shall."
"Eustace is one of the best."
"How nice of you to say so."
"All this," interrupted Mrs. Hignett, who had been a chafing auditor of
this interchange of courtesies, "is beside the point. Why did you dance
in the hall, Samuel, and play the orchestrion?"
"Yes," said Mr. Bennett, reminded of his grievance, "waking people up."
"Scaring us all to death!" complained Mr. Mortimer.
"I remember you as a boy, Samuel," said Mrs. Hignett, "lamentably
lacking in consideration for others and concentrated only on your
selfish pleasures. You seem to have altered very little."
"Don't ballyrag the poor man," said Jane Hubbard. "Be human! Lend him a
can-opener!"
"I shall do nothing of the sort," said Mrs. Hignett. "I never liked him
and I dislike him now. He has got himself into this trouble through his
own wrong-headedness."
"It's not his fault his head's the wrong size," said Jane.
"He must get himself out as best he can," said Mrs. Hignett.
"Very well," said Sam with bitter dignity. "Then I will not trespass
further on your hospitality, Aunt Adeline. I have no doubt the local
blacksmith will be able to get this damned thing off me. I shall go to
him now. I will let you have the helmet back by parcel-post at the
earliest possible opportunity. Good night!" He walked coldly to the
front door. "And there are people," he remarked sardonically, "who say
that blood is thicker than water! I'll bet they never had any aunts!"
5
Billie, meanwhile, with Bream trotting docilely at her heels, had
reached the garage and started the car. Like all cars which have been
spending a considerable time in secluded inaction, it did not start
readily. At each application of Billie's foot on the self-starter, it
emitted a tinny and reproachful sound and then seemed to go to sleep
again. Eventually, however, the engines began to revolve and the
machine moved reluctantly out into the drive.
"The battery must be run down," said Billie.
"All right," said Bream.
Billie cast a glance of contempt at him out of the corner of her eyes.
She hardly knew why she had spoken to him except that, as all
automobilists are aware, the impulse to say rude things about their
battery is almost irresistible. To an automobilist the art of
conversation consists in rapping out scathing remarks either about the
battery or the oiling-system.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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