Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Billie switched on the head-lights and turned the car down the dark
drive. She was feeling thoroughly upset. Her idealistic nature had
received a painful shock on the discovery of the yellow streak in
Bream. To call it a yellow streak was to understate the facts. It was a
great belt of saffron encircling his whole soul. That she, Wilhelmina
Bennett, who had gone through the world seeking a Galahad, should
finish her career as the wife of a man who hid under beds simply
because people shot at him with elephant guns was abhorrent to her.
Why, Samuel Marlowe would have perished rather than do such a thing.
You might say what you liked about Samuel Marlowe--and, of course, his
habit of playing practical jokes put him beyond the pale--but nobody
could question his courage. Look at the way he had dived overboard that
time in the harbour at New York! Billie found herself thinking hard
about Samuel Marlowe.
There are only a few makes of car in which you can think hard about
anything except the actual driving without stalling the engines, and
Mr. Bennett's Twin-Six Complex was not one of them. It stopped as if it
had been waiting for the signal. The noise of the engine died away. The
wheels ceased to revolve. The automobile did everything except lie
down. It was a particularly pig-headed car and right from the start it
had been unable to see the sense in this midnight expedition. It seemed
now to have the idea that if it just lay low and did nothing, presently
it would be taken back to its cosy garage.
Billie trod on the self-starter. Nothing happened.
"You'll have to get down and crank her," she said curtly.
"All right," said Bream.
"Well, go on," said Billie impatiently.
"Eh?"
"Get out and crank her."
Bream emerged for an instant from his trance.
"All right," he said.
The art of cranking a car is one that is not given to all men. Some of
our greatest and wisest stand helpless before the task. It is a job
towards the consummation of which a noble soul and a fine brain help
not at all. A man may have all the other gifts and yet be unable to
accomplish a task the fellow at the garage does with one quiet quick
flick of the wrist without even bothering to remove his chewing gum.
This being so, it was not only unkind but foolish of Billie to grow
impatient as Bream's repeated efforts failed of their object. It was
wrong of her to click her tongue, and certainly she ought not to have
told Bream that he was not fit to churn butter. But women are an
emotional sex and must be forgiven much in moments of mental stress.
"Give it a good sharp twist," she said.
"All right," said Bream.
"Here, let me do it," cried Billie.
She jumped down and snatched the thingummy from his hand. With bent
brows and set teeth she wrenched it round. The engine gave a faint
protesting mutter, like a dog that has been disturbed in its sleep, and
was still once more.
"May I help?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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