Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Sam bent over the side of the car, put his hands under her arms, lifted
her like a kitten and deposited her on the seat beside him. Then
throwing in the clutch, he drove at an ever increasing speed down the
drive and out into the silent road. Strange creatures of the night came
and went in the golden glow of the head-lights.
6
"Put me down," said Billie.
"You'd get hurt if I did, travelling at this pace."
"What are you going to do?"
"Drive about till you promise to marry me."
"You'll have to drive a long time."
"Right ho!" said Sam.
The car took a corner and purred down a lane. Billie reached out a hand
and grabbed at the steering wheel. "Of course, if you _want_ to
smash up in a ditch!" said Sam, righting the car with a wrench.
"You're a brute!" said Billie.
"Cave-man stuff," explained Sam, "I ought to have tried it before."
"I don't know what you expect to gain by this."
"That's all right," said Sam, "I know what I'm about."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"I thought you would be."
"I'm not going to talk to you."
"All right. Lean back and doze off. We've the whole night before us."
"What do you mean?" cried Billie, sitting up with a jerk.
"Have you ever been to Scotland?"
"What do you mean?"
"I thought we might push up there. We've got to go somewhere and, oddly
enough, I've never been to Scotland."
Billie regarded him blankly.
"Are you crazy?"
"I'm crazy about you. If you knew what I've gone through to-night for
your sake you'd be more sympathetic. I love you," said Sam swerving to
avoid a rabbit. "And what's more, you know it."
"I don't care."
"You will!" said Sam confidently. "How about North Wales? I've heard
people speak well of North Wales. Shall we head for North Wales?"
"I'm engaged to Bream Mortimer."
"Oh no, that's all off," Sam assured her.
"It's not!"
"Right off!" said Sam firmly. "You could never bring yourself to marry
a man who dashed away like that and deserted you in your hour of need.
Why, for all he knew, I might have tried to murder you. And he ran
away! No, no, we eliminate Bream Mortimer once and for all. He won't
do!"
This was so exactly what Billie was feeling herself that she could not
bring herself to dispute it.
"Anyway, I hate _you_!" she said, giving the conversation another
turn.
"Why? In the name of goodness, why?"
"How dared you make a fool of me in your father's office that morning?"
"It was a sudden inspiration. I had to do something to make you think
well of me, and I thought it might meet the case if I saved you from a
lunatic with a pistol. It wasn't my fault that you found out."
"I shall never forgive you!"
"Why not Cornwall?" said Sam. "The Riviera of England! Let's go to
Cornwall. I beg your pardon. What were you saying?"
"I said I should never forgive you and I won't."
"Well, I hope you're fond of motoring," said Sam, "because we're going
on till you do."
"Very well! Go on, then!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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