Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"I intend to. Of course, it's all right now while it's dark. But have
you considered what is going to happen when the sun gets up? We shall
have a sort of triumphal procession. How the small boys will laugh when
they see a man in a helmet go by in a car! I shan't notice them myself
because it's a little difficult to notice anything from inside this
thing, but I'm afraid it will be rather unpleasant for you ... I know
what we'll do. We'll go to London and drive up and down Piccadilly!
That will be fun!"
There was a long silence.
"Is my helmet on straight?" said Sam.
Billie made no reply. She was looking before her down the hedge-bordered
road. Always a girl of sudden impulse, she had just made a curious
discovery, to wit, that she was enjoying herself. There was something
so novel and exhilarating about this midnight ride that imperceptibly
her dismay and resentment had ebbed away. She found herself struggling
with a desire to laugh.
"Lochinvar!" said Sam suddenly. "That's the name of the chap I've been
trying to think of! Did you ever read about Lochinvar? 'Young
Lochinvar' the poet calls him rather familiarly. He did just what I'm
doing now, and everybody thought very highly of him. I suppose in those
days a helmet was just an ordinary part of what the well-dressed man
should wear. Odd how fashions change!"
Till now dignity and wrath combined had kept Billie from making any
enquiries into a matter which had excited in her a quite painful
curiosity. In her new mood she resisted the impulse no longer.
"_Why_ are you wearing that thing?"
"I told you. Purely and simply because I can't get it off. You don't
suppose I'm trying to set a new style in gents' headwear, do you?"
"But why did you ever put it on?"
"Well, it was this way. After I came out of the cupboard in the
drawing-room...."
"What!"
"Didn't I tell you about that? Oh yes, I was sitting in the cupboard in
the drawing-room from dinner-time onwards. After that I came out and
started cannoning about among Aunt Adeline's china, so I thought I'd
better switch the light on. Unfortunately I switched on some sort of
musical instrument instead. And then somebody started shooting. So,
what with one thing and another, I thought it would be best to hide
somewhere. I hid in one of the suits of armour in the hall."
"Were you inside there all the time we were...?"
"Yes. I say, that was funny about Bream, wasn't it? Getting under the
bed, I mean."
"Don't let's talk about Bream."
"That's the right spirit! I like to see it! All right, we won't. Let's
get back to the main issue. Will you marry me?"
"But why did you come to the house at all?"
"To see you."
"To see me! At that time of night?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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