Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
and the males in the audience will shift their chewing gum to the other
cheek and take a firmer grip of their companions' hands and the man at
the piano will play "Everybody wants a key to my cellar" or something
equally appropriate, very soulfully and slowly, with a wistful eye on
the half-smoked cigarette which he has parked on the lowest octave and
intends finishing as soon as the picture is over. But I prefer the
plain frank statement that it was the fourth day of the voyage. That is
my story and I mean to stick to it.
Samuel Marlowe, muffled in a bathrobe, came back to the stateroom from
his tub. His manner had the offensive jauntiness of the man who has had
a cold bath when he might just as easily have had a hot one. He looked
out of the porthole at the shimmering sea. He felt strong and happy and
exuberant.
It was not merely the spiritual pride induced by a cold bath that was
uplifting this young man. The fact was that, as he towelled his glowing
back, he had suddenly come to the decision that this very day he would
propose to Wilhelmina Bennett. Yes, he would put his fortune to the
test, to win or lose it all. True, he had only known her for four days,
but what of that?
Nothing in the way of modern progress is more remarkable than the
manner in which the attitude of your lover has changed concerning
proposals of marriage. When Samuel Marlowe's grandfather had convinced
himself, after about a year and a half of respectful aloofness, that the
emotion which he felt towards Samuel Marlowe's grandmother-to-be was
love, the fashion of the period compelled him to approach the matter in a
roundabout way. First, he spent an evening or two singing sentimental
ballads, she accompanying him on the piano and the rest of the family
sitting on the side-lines to see that no rough stuff was pulled. Having
noted that she drooped her eyelashes and turned faintly pink when he came
to the "Thee--only thee!" bit, he felt a mild sense of encouragement,
strong enough to justify him in taking her sister aside next day and
asking if the object of his affections ever happened to mention his name
in the course of conversation. Further _pour-parlers_ having passed
with her aunt, two more sisters, and her little brother, he felt that the
moment had arrived when he might send her a volume of Shelley, with
some of the passages marked in pencil. A few weeks later, he
interviewed her father and obtained his consent to the paying of his
addresses. And finally, after writing her a letter which began "Madam!
you will not have been insensible to the fact that for some time past
you have inspired in my bosom feelings deeper than those of ordinary
friendship...." he waylaid her in the rose-garden and brought the thing
off.
How different is the behaviour of the modern young man. His courtship
can hardly be called a courtship at all. His methods are those of Sir
W. S. Gilbert's Alphonso.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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