Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Don't do it!" said Eustace Hignett solemnly. "As a friend I entreat
you not to do it! Take my advice, as a man who knows women, and don't
do it!"
"Don't do what?"
"Propose to her. I can tell by the glitter in your eye that you are
intending to propose to this girl--probably this morning. Don't do it.
Women are the devil, whether they marry you or jilt you. Do you realise
that women wear black evening dresses that have to be hooked up in a
hurry when you are late for the theatre, and that, out of sheer wanton
malignity, the hooks and eyes on those dresses are also made black? Do
you realise...?"
"Oh, I've thought it all out."
"And take the matter of children. How would you like to become the
father--and a mere glance around you will show you that the chances are
enormously in favour of such a thing happening--of a boy with
spectacles and protruding front teeth who asks questions all the time?
Out of six small boys whom I saw when I came on board, four wore
spectacles and had teeth like rabbits. The other two were equally
revolting in different styles. How would you like to become the
father...?"
"There is no need to be indelicate," said Sam stiffly. "A man must take
these chances."
"Give her the miss in baulk," pleaded Hignett. "Stay down here for the
rest of the voyage. You can easily dodge her when you get to
Southampton. And, if she sends messages, say you're ill and can't be
disturbed."
Sam gazed at him, revolted. More than ever he began to understand how
it was that a girl with ideals had broken off her engagement with this
man. He finished dressing, and, after a satisfying breakfast, went on
deck.
* * * * *
It was, as he had said, a glorious morning. The sample which he had had
through the porthole had not prepared him for the magic of it. The ship
swam in a vast bowl of the purest blue on an azure carpet flecked with
silver. It was a morning which impelled a man to great deeds, a morning
which shouted to him to chuck his chest out and be romantic. The sight
of Billie Bennett, trim and gleaming in a pale green sweater and a
white skirt had the effect of causing Marlowe to alter the programme
which he had sketched out. Proposing to this girl was not a thing to be
put off till after lunch. It was a thing to be done now and at once. The
finest efforts of the finest cooks in the world could not put him in
better form than he felt at present.
"Good morning, Miss Bennett."
"Good morning, Mr. Marlowe."
"Isn't it a perfect day?"
"Wonderful!"
"It makes all the difference on board ship if the weather is fine."
"Yes, doesn't it?"
"Shall we walk round?" said Billie.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account