Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Sam flung open the door wrathfully. That Eustace Hignett should still
be alive was bad--he had pictured him hurling himself overboard and
bobbing about, a pleasing sight, in the wake of the vessel; that he
should be singing was an outrage. Remorse, Sam thought should have
stricken Eustace Hignett dumb. Instead of which, here he was comporting
himself like a blasted linnet. It was all wrong. The man could have no
conscience whatever.
"Well," he said sternly, "so there you are!"
Eustace Hignett looked up brightly, even beamingly. In the brief
interval which had elapsed since Sam had seen him last, an
extraordinary transformation had taken place in this young man.
His wan look had disappeared. His eyes were bright. His face wore
that beastly self-satisfied smirk which you see in pictures advertising
certain makes of fine-mesh underwear. If Eustace Hignett had been
a full-page drawing in a magazine with "My dear fellow, I always
wear Sigsbee's Superfine Featherweight!" printed underneath him, he
could not have looked more pleased with himself.
"Hullo!" he said. "I was wondering where you had got to."
"Never mind," said Sam coldly, "where I had got to! Where did you get
to, and why? You poor, miserable worm," he went on in a burst of
generous indignation, "what have you to say for yourself? What do you
mean by dashing away like that and killing my little entertainment?"
"Awfully sorry, old man. I hadn't foreseen the cigar. I was bearing up
tolerably well till I began to sniff the smoke. Then everything seemed
to go black--I don't mean you, of course. You were black already--and I
got the feeling that I simply must get on deck and drown myself."
"Well, why didn't you?" demanded Sam, with a strong sense of injury.
"I might have forgiven you then. But to come down here and find you
singing...."
A soft light came into Eustace Hignett's eyes.
"I want to tell you all about that," he said, "It's the most
astonishing story. A miracle, you might almost call it. Makes you
believe in Fate and all that sort of thing. A week ago I was on the
Subway in New York...."
He broke off while Sam cursed him, the Subway, and the city of New
York, in the order named.
"My dear chap, what is the matter?"
"What is the matter? Ha!"
"Something is the matter," persisted Eustace Hignett, "I can tell it by
your manner. Something has happened to disturb and upset you. I know
you so well that I can pierce the mask. What is it? Tell me."
"Ha, ha!"
"You surely can't still be brooding on that concert business? Why,
that's all over. I take it that after my departure you made the most
colossal ass of yourself, but why let that worry you? These things
cannot affect one permanently."
"Can't they? Let me tell you that as a result of that concert my
engagement is broken off."
Eustace sprang forward with outstretched hand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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