Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
When Sam, reaching the office after his journey, opened the door, this
clerk, John Peters by name, was seated on a high stool, holding in one
hand a half-eaten sausage, in the other an extraordinary large and
powerful revolver. At the sight of Sam he laid down both engines of
destruction and beamed. He was not a particularly successful beamer,
being hampered by a cast in one eye which gave him a truculent and
sinister look; but those who knew him knew that he had a heart of gold
and were not intimidated by his repellent face. Between Sam and himself
there had always existed terms of cordiality, starting from the time
when the former was a small boy, and it had been Jno. Peters' mission
to take him now to the Zoo, now to the train back to school.
"Why, Mr. Samuel!"
"Hullo, Peters!"
"We were expecting you back a week ago. So you got back safe?"
"Safe? Why, of course,"
Peters shook his head.
"I confess that, when there was this delay in your coming here, I
sometimes feared something might have happened to you. I recall
mentioning it to the young lady who recently did me the honour to
promise to become my wife."
"Ocean liners aren't often wrecked nowadays."
"I was thinking more of the brawls on shore. America's a dangerous
country. But perhaps you were not in touch with the underworld?"
"I don't think I was."
"Ah!" said Jno. Peters, significantly.
He took up the revolver, gave it a fond and almost paternal look, and
replaced it on the desk.
"What on earth are you doing with that thing?" asked Sam.
Mr. Peters lowered his voice.
"I'm going to America myself in a few days' time, Mr. Samuel. It's my
annual holiday, and the guvnor's sending me over with papers in
connection with The People _v._ Schultz and Bowen. It's a big case
over there. A client of ours is mixed up in it, an American gentleman.
I am to take these important papers to his legal representative in New
York. So I thought it best to be prepared."
The first smile that he had permitted himself in nearly two weeks
flitted across Sam's face.
"What on earth sort of place do you think New York is?" he asked. "It's
safer than London."
"Ah, but what about the underworld? I've seen these American films that
they send over here, Mr. Samuel. Every Saturday night regular I take my
young lady to a cinema, and, I tell you, they teach you something. Did
you ever see 'Wolves of the Bowery'? There was a man in that in just my
position, carrying important papers, and what they didn't try to do to
him! No, I'm taking no chances, Mr. Samuel!"
"I should have said you were, lugging that thing about with you."
Mr. Peters seemed wounded.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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