Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Of all the rotten sensations in this world, the worst is the
realisation that a thousand-to-one chance has come off, and caused our
wrong-doing to be detected. There had seemed no possibility of that
little ruse of his being discovered, and yet here was Billie in full
possession of the facts. It almost made the thing worse that she did
not say how she had come into possession of them. This gave Sam that
feeling of self-pity, that sense of having been ill-used by Fate, which
makes the bringing home of crime so particularly poignant.
"Fine day!" he muttered. He had a sort of subconscious feeling that it
was imperative to keep engaging Webster in light conversation.
"Yes, sir. Weather still keeps up," agreed the valet suavely.
Sam frowned over the note. He felt injured. Sending a fellow notes
didn't give him a chance. If she had come in person and denounced him
it would not have been an agreeable experience, but at least it would
have been possible then to have pleaded and cajoled and--and all that
sort of thing. But what could he do now? It seemed to him that his only
possible course was to write a note in reply, begging her to see him.
He explored his pockets and found a pencil and a scrap of paper. For
some moments he scribbled desperately. Then he folded the note.
"Will you take this to Miss Bennett," he said, holding it out.
Webster took the missive, because he wanted to read it later at his
leisure; but he shook his head.
"Useless, I fear, sir," he said gravely.
"What do you mean?"
"I am afraid it would effect little or nothing, sir, sending our Miss
B. notes. She is not in the proper frame of mind to appreciate them. I saw
her face when she handed me the letter you have just read, and I assure
you, sir, she is not in a malleable mood."
"You seem to know a lot about it!"
"I have studied the sex, sir," said Webster modestly.
"I mean, about my business, confound it! You seem to know all about
it!"
"Why, yes, sir, I think I may say that I have grasped the position of
affairs. And, if you will permit me to say so, sir, you have my
respectful sympathy."
Dignity is a sensitive plant which flourishes only under the fairest
conditions. Sam's had perished in the bleak east wind of Billie's note.
In other circumstances he might have resented this intrusion of a
stranger into his most intimate concerns. His only emotion now, was one
of dull but distinct gratitude. The four winds of heaven blew chilly
upon his raw and unprotected soul, and he wanted to wrap it up in a
mantle of sympathy, careless of the source from which he borrowed that
mantle. If Webster, the valet, felt disposed, as he seemed to indicate,
to comfort him, let the thing go on. At that moment Sam would have
accepted condolences from a coal-heaver.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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