Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
We all of us, even the greatest of us, have our moments of weakness.
Let us then not express any surprise at the sudden collapse of one of
the world's greatest female thinkers. As the meaning of this speech
smote on Mrs. Horace Hignett's understanding, she sank weeping into a
chair. The ever-present fear that had haunted her had been exorcised.
Windles was hers in perpetuity. The relief was too great. She sat in
her chair and gulped: and Eustace, greatly encouraged, emerged slowly
from the bedclothes like a worm after a thunderstorm.
How long this poignant scene would have lasted, one cannot say. It is a
pity that it was cut short, for I should have liked to dwell upon it.
But at this moment, from the regions downstairs, there suddenly burst
upon the silent night such a whirlwind of sound as effectually
dissipated the tense emotion in the room. Somebody had touched off the
orchestrion in the drawing-room, and that willing instrument had begun
again in the middle of a bar at the point where it had been switched
off. Its wailing lament for the passing of Summer filled the whole
house.
"That's too bad!" said Jane, a little annoyed. "At this time of night!"
"It's the burglars!" quavered Mrs. Hignett. In the stress of recent
events she had completely forgotten the existence of those enemies of
society. "They were dancing in the hall when I arrived, and now they're
playing the orchestrion!"
"Light-hearted chaps!" said Eustace, admiring the sang-froid of the
criminal world. "Full of spirits!"
"This won't do," said Jane Hubbard, shaking her head. "We can't have
this sort of thing. I'll go and fetch my gun."
"They'll murder you, dear!" panted Mrs. Hignett, clinging to her arm.
Jane Hubbard laughed.
"Murder _me_!" she said, amusedly. "I'd like to catch them at it!"
Mrs. Hignett stood staring at the door as Jane closed it safely behind
her.
"Eustace," she said, solemnly, "that is a wonderful girl!"
"Yes! She once killed a panther--or a puma, I forget which--with a
hat-pin!" said Eustace with enthusiasm.
"I could wish you no better wife!" said Mrs. Hignett.
She broke off with a sharp wail.... Out in the passage something like a
battery of artillery had roared.
The door opened and Jane Hubbard appeared, slipping a fresh cartridge
into the elephant-gun.
"One of them was popping about outside here," she announced. "I took a
shot at him, but I'm afraid I missed. The visibility was bad. At any
rate he went away."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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