Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Indeed, so distinctly uninviting are they, that I strongly advise the
sensitive reader to avoid even this description of them. The subject
cannot be made pretty, and I do not intend to try.
The room is bare and sordid; its walls splashed with mixed stains of
beer, blood, and candle-grease; its ceiling, smoky; its floor, sawdust
covered. A crowd of students, laughing, smoking, talking, some sitting
on the floor, others perched upon chairs and benches form the framework.
In the centre, facing one another, stand the combatants, resembling
Japanese warriors, as made familiar to us by the Japanese tea-tray.
Quaint and rigid, with their goggle-covered eyes, their necks tied up in
comforters, their bodies smothered in what looks like dirty bed quilts,
their padded arms stretched straight above their heads, they might be a
pair of ungainly clockwork figures. The seconds, also more or less
padded--their heads and faces protected by huge leather-peaked caps,--drag
them out into their proper position. One almost listens to hear the
sound of the castors. The umpire takes his place, the word is given, and
immediately there follow five rapid clashes of the long straight swords.
There is no interest in watching the fight: there is no movement, no
skill, no grace. (I am speaking of my own impressions.) The strongest man
wins; the man who, with his heavily-padded arm, always in an unnatural
position, can hold his huge clumsy sword longest without growing too weak
to be able either to guard or to strike.
The whole interest is centred in watching the wounds. They come always
in one of two places--on the top of the head or the left side of the
face. Sometimes a portion of hairy scalp or section of cheek flies up
into the air, to be carefully preserved in an envelope by its proud
possessor, or, strictly speaking, its proud former possessor, and shown
round on convivial evenings; and from every wound, of course, flows a
plentiful stream of blood. It splashes doctors, seconds, and spectators;
it sprinkles ceiling and walls; it saturates the fighters, and makes
pools for itself in the sawdust. At the end of each round the doctors
rush up, and with hands already dripping with blood press together the
gaping wounds, dabbing them with little balls of wet cotton wool, which
an attendant carries ready on a plate. Naturally, the moment the men
stand up again and commence work, the blood gushes out again, half
blinding them, and rendering the ground beneath them slippery. Now and
then you see a man's teeth laid bare almost to the ear, so that for the
rest of the duel he appears to be grinning at one half of the spectators,
his other side, remaining serious; and sometimes a man's nose gets slit,
which gives to him as he fights a singularly supercilious air.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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