Through Night to Light: A NovelSpielhagen, Friedrich
General
Through Night to Light: A Novel
Spielhagen, Friedrich
Fiction
Here, in this very room, she had during the past summer dreamt so often
of a future which was to be realized in such a sad present, and now the
current of life had floated her back to the same place, almost into the
same situation! Was it not as if Fate wished to give her time to
consider before she acted--before she laid her own happiness, and that
of her child, into hands which were far too feeble to defend such a
treasure successfully?
Here, in this very room, her friend had warned her against these hands
that were grasping with childish eagerness at everything that was great
and beautiful, in order to cast it aside again in childish caprice, as
if it were worth little. Here, in this very room, he had prophesied to
her things which had since come true, word by word.
Here, in this very room, he had spoken to her thus: "And when you lie
crushed by this blow, and wish to die, and yet cannot die; then you
will be able to feel what anguish a heart suffers when it sees its love
betrayed and despised; then you will make me amends in your heart, and
be sorry for the wrong you have done me."
Where was he now? this faithful, noble friend, who--she had often felt
it, though never so deeply as at this moment--was wasting his proud
strength for her sake in idleness or senseless adventures, as a tree
whose heart has been taken out breaks forth in abundant branches and
leaves, but never bears fruit again? Once more he was wandering
restlessly, like the wandering Jew, through the wide, desert world.
And, as if he should never call anything his own, the child whom he had
loved before he knew her to be his child, had vanished again like a
short, fair dream. He had let her go, because his sense of justice told
him that he had no claim upon this child, for whom he had done nothing
but to call it into existence. Was it really to be his fate to sow love
and reap indifference?
No! no! not indifference; although it might not be love such as he
felt, and such as he wished for, but certainly not indifference! Did
she not feel hearty friendship, deep, sincere regard for him? Would she
not have sacrificed whole years of her existence, if by so doing she
could have restored his child to him?
Where was he now? She had become so accustomed to seeing him by her
side, whenever the dark hours of her life were coming, that she missed
him sadly now, when he was for the first time absent. And yet, what
right had she to a love which she had refused a hundred times, and
which she had so grievously insulted by her love for another man?
The fair lady had been so lost in such thoughts that she did not hear a
gentle knock at the door. The door opened, and an old, gray-bearded
face peeped in. Behind the grim, bearded face the form of a tall man
was visible.
"Madame," said the moustache, "a good friend who has just arrived
wishes to present his respects, if possible yet, this evening."
"Who is it?" asked the lady, rising with surprise from her seat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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