I believe that each individual desires to be liked by his fellow man and have a sense of "belonging" . . . (although certain individuals so desire companionship that they succumb to the notions of others and rob themselves of a personality). They want to possess a feeling of individuality, and be accepted for who they are and wish to become. Far from perfect, I realize that I could use an infinite amount of improvement within my character, and despite the menacing flaws which I must face, I feel quite fortunate to be able to acknowledge them, for without detection, they could not be overcome. I hope that I will grow in strength and love until I no longer live, for when inner growth stagnates, one essentially dies. Soul's Voyage Alone, I observe In the eerie glow The earth-bound voyage Of falling snow. The trees are all clad In angelic white... Such calm I find On this midwinter's night! Framed by the door, 'Twas the picture of peace And earnestly beckoned My soul to release That I might lose myself In night's deepest confines, Ne'er to return To life's dismal design. My heart would not yearn, Nor would it pine For a life that was lost To one more divine. Ah, but alas! And how the night flies From dawn's icy fingers And wind's bitter cries! 'Twas naught but a dream: The night gone by When moonbeam rays Kissed snow-drenched skies! Ah, cruel memory! Disparaging blow! For my hopes are consumed 'Neath the deepening snow. Lauren Isaacson January 1981 PAGE 187 Chapter 24 Interlude "Owning a healthy sense of self-worth was not immodesty but protection against vulnerability. " CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR Interlude Jan.--Feb. 1981... I am a loner, used to spending time alone ... I dislike a lot of contact... ....I am a listener, although not always by choice... ....I think a lot... contemplate life (and) death. Is there such a thing as thinking too much? . . .I know myself through observations and experiences and my writing. Writing is sometimes the only means through which I can express myself, for I found that, being a listener, I usually help people more than they do me. I perhaps begin, but more often than not, I fail to say what I set out to say. I wonder if this makes good relationships...all ear and no mouth. (But) I feel better giving than receiving. ...One must be receptive, or the relationship cannot last. ...The amount one discloses about (him) self is oftentimes parallel to the amount of attention given (to him) by the partner. If one listens with the intensity of a brick wall, it naturally follows that the other will be less likely to express feelings in other situations...he feels shut out.