...He is the chief voice in the relationship. (He) says he will listen to me, but unless I talk in an unending flow until I'm finished, he breaks in with a response and continues to elaborate upon it until I have virtually forgotten my thoughts. I have found short, powerful phrases the only means to convey my beliefs at times...or reading my personal essays and poems to him. Sometimes I feel small . . . I am unable to make myself heard. Feb. 1981... Although a relationship is composed of a great deal of sharing and companionship, the need for privacy must be respected. Each individual needs to maintain a firmly established sense of identity to fully give of that self. Grow side by side and learn from each other...two vines cannot grow on one tree lest they strangle their support and eventually, each other. ...I find it most exciting to discover someone and watch him grow in his understanding of life. I could not live with myself if I felt I was purposely attempting to mold another individual to fit my perception of the "ideal mate." I once told (my boyfriend) that I would rather break up with him than change him, for propensities which I found disturbing would be virtually non-existent to someone else. He has as much of a right to live and love in his own way as I have. ...The friendship which (he) and I share is invaluable and irreplaceable. Perhaps it is because I place no supreme importance on romanticism that our friendship is my deepest gratification. In another composition, I wrote these words: I look not for the ideal because idealistic individuals are often quite disappointed when their "key" is ultimately bigger than the "lock." Instead I give my best and accept life as it comes. My concept of happiness consists of satisfying the mind to achieve emotional stability. I try to look to each day as another chance to grow in knowing myself and my world. My "ideal" would include a total acceptance of life and a perfection of love. During that period of time, I also expressed with morbid cynicism my inability to dissuade a friend from his use of marijuana. The poem, although somewhat disturbing, projects my hostility toward a habit which claimed sufficient importance that it continued despite my open concern. 1981