Sultry blue air pressed close about the house, air heavy with uncertain
energies. He knew now how frail are carpentered walls and doors, how
brittle a box to guard and fortify weak things he held dear. A poor
cardboard doll house, and his own schemes just a ring of shells about
it. Here, in a home not even his own, among alien furnitures, he must
meet the sorceries of life, treacheries both without and within.
Strong walls, strong walls, defend this rebel heart! he whispered to
himself--startled and shamed to find himself so poetical. Strange, he
thought (hastily reëdifying the bed), that people spend such anguish
on decisions that don’t really matter. But in this house he was at
a disadvantage. He had no memories in it. For Phyllis it had old
associations and meanings. It went back into her childhood, into that
strange time when he had never known her; when she must have been so
cunningly caught unawares and machined into rigidity. So even the house
was against him. In that charged air, one spark surely would sheet all
heaven with flame. It would be queer to split open the world’s old
shingled roofs and rusty-screened windows, scatter the million people
with little pig-eyes of suspicion, explode love and merriment over the
land. God help us, he thought, people can’t even sin without finding
dusty little moral justifications for it. This is what civilization
has brought us to!--But what a way for a man to be thinking, with a
half-written booklet on Summer Tranquillity lying on his desk.
He stepped onto the sleeping porch, where two cots had been put for
Janet and Sylvia, to look at the broken railing. Projecting above
the veranda, it overlooked the garden and the pale sickle of beach,
distinct in glassy light. He could see Martin and the children, tiny
figures frolicking on the sand. The sky was piled steeply with swollen
bales of storm, scrolls of gentian-coloured vapour. But it looked now
as though the gust would pass overhead. Phyllis was busy at the linen
closet by the corner of the passage, getting out clean towels and
napkins. He envied her the sedative trifles that keep wives sane. And
after all, perhaps the well-drilled discipline of human beings would
get them past this eddy. People--and especially guests--know so well
what can be done and what can’t. They know how to “behave.” The world,
brave prudent old world, is so sagely adjusted to avert or ignore any
casual expression of what men really feel: terror and mockery, pity
and desire. Oh, surely, by careful management, they could all shuffle
through a couple of days without committing themselves and then safely
relapse into the customary drugged routine. Ben and Ruth, accomplished
students of petty demeanour, would be a great help. Even Joyce, poor
bewitched rebel with frightened eyes, even Joyce must have some powers
of concealment. But he would not think of Joyce for a little while.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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