He undressed, sitting on the window seat. With a vague notion of
postponing the struggle with the pamphlet he went through his routine
with unusual care, watching the details. He noticed for the first time
his ingenious attempt to retain the tip of each sock, by curling his
toes into it as he removed it. The purpose was evidently to turn the
sock completely inside out in the one motion of stripping it off. For
the first time in weeks he decided to fold his trousers neatly instead
of just throwing them on a chair. He gave them a preliminary shake and
found that the sand lodged in the cuffs flew unerringly into his eyes.
He discovered that if he tried to put the left leg into his pyjamas
first, instead of the right, it didn’t feel as though he had them on
at all. The laundress had managed to let the end of the waist-string
vanish inside its little tunnel of hem. It required some very sharp
work to creep it out again. What a good booklet could be written, for
some pyjama and underwear manufacturer, on The Technique of Getting
Undressed. How pleasant that if you lay out your clothes just in the
order of their discarding they are exactly serialized in the correct
sequence for dressing to-morrow.
All this, he felt with subtle horror, was just a postponement of
something inevitable, something he knew was coming but could not
identify. Some great beauty of retribution had him in its onward march.
He was unworthy of the glory of living, he had niggled and haggled and
somewhere in his bunglings he had touched some fatal spring. He had
broken some seal, let the genie out of the bottle. The little whiff of
fragrant vapour had flowed and spread until it darkened the whole sky.
It hung terrible above him and the four tiny Georges cowered beneath
it. And behind and within every other thought was Joyce. He could see
her, perfect, inaccessible, afraid. This dear device of Nature, this
gay, simple ingenuity of dividing life into halves and making them
hanker for one another! Oh, Joyce, Joyce, it _does_ matter. Joyce, I
need you so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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