No sooner have I put on my pince-nez than I long to alter its
position in innumerable ways. I must needs push it down or raise it
up, must set it farther on or farther off; sometimes I tax my
ingenuity in attempts to displace it by tossing my head. Instead of
looking tranquilly through the glasses, my eye is continually
attracted by the rim, some point on which I try to focus or to get
into a line with the object at which I am gazing. I want to see the
object and the pince-nez at the same time; as soon as I no longer
see the former I wish to see it again, and similarly with the
latter. My tics upset my pince-nez, and I have to invent another
tic to get it back into place. The absurdity of this vicious circle
does not escape my observation, and I know I am its author, yet
that cannot prevent my becoming its victim.
When the pince-nez is not in use I toy with the spring or with the
cord, and a day seldom passes without my breaking the one or the
other. As I wear spectacles at home one might suppose their
relative stability would check my tricks; but their pressure on my
temples and ears only serves to provoke fresh movements in a search
for comfort.
And so the thing goes on. I was perfectly well aware of it at
first, and was wont to imagine it was remediable; eventually,
however, these grimaces of mine took place without any attention on
my part, and then in spite of it, and I was no longer their master.
There seem to be two persons in me: the one that tics, the son of
the one that does not, is an _enfant terrible_, a source of great
anxiety to his parent, who becomes a slave to his caprices. I am at
once the actor and the spectator; and the worst of it is, the
exuberance of the one is not to be thwarted by the just
recriminations of the other.
In his accidental discovery of a "crack" in his neck originated other
tics. As a matter of fact, these "cracks" do exist, and can be heard at
a little distance; but it always requires a brisk toss of the head to
elicit them. This is O.'s account of their evolution:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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