Fantasy fiction; Science fiction; Subconsciousness -- Fiction
Then there was a faint rustling sound and Toffee glanced up to see a
man scurrying out of the bushes at the side of the road. He was old,
except for his eyes, which were remarkably blue and clear, though
rather eclipsed by two enormous shaggy eyebrows. The rest of his face
was nothing more than a tangle of yellowish grey hair, for there was
no telling where his hair left off and his beard began. His clothes
were in such a state of disintegration as to make them unattractive to
street urchins in sub-zero weather.
"Howdy," the old fellow rasped. He locked a bony hand over the edge of
the car door and peered at Toffee nearsightedly.
"Howdy," Toffee replied, glad even for this diversion. "What can I do
for you?"
"I was wonderin'," the old fellow said with sudden shyness, "if you'd
like some squeezin'?"
Toffee started visibly. "Aren't you being a little direct?" she asked
coolly. "Do I look like the sort that would be interested in your
squeezings?"
"They're mighty good," the old fellow went on hopefully. "I'll let you
have 'em at a bargain, too."
"What!" There was real shock in Toffee's voice. "You expect me to pay
you for these ... ah ... squeezings, as you so quaintly call them?"
"Naturally," the old man nodded. "Can't give 'em away, you know."
"I should think not!" Toffee cried. "Not to me, you couldn't. I
wouldn't have them if you paid me."
"I could give you a sample," the old fellow offered. His smile was
starkly toothless.
* * * * *
Toffee edged quickly away. "No, thank you," she said loftily. "In
fact, I'd really rather not hear any more about it. Why don't you just
take your filthy-minded squeezings and slither back into the bushes
where you came from? For my part, I'll just sit here and try to forget
everything you've said."
"Well, okay," the old man said sadly, "but you don't know what you're
missin'."
He started to turn away, but Toffee suddenly held out a restraining
hand. It was too late now. She was already intrigued. Maybe there was
something here she should know about. "Wait," she said, lowering her
voice. "If you can tell me in a nice way, what's so terrific about
these squeezings of yours?"
"They send you clean outa this world," the old man grinned. "Just a
little bit, and you won't even know what hit you."
Toffee frowned. "It seems you could be a little more modest about it,"
she reproved. "Aren't you married?"
"Oh, Lord, yes," the old man sighed wearily.
"Doesn't your wife mind you running around, doing all this squeezing?"
"Naw. The old lady helps me."
"What!" Toffee looked horrified. "You mean she's mixed up in this
squeezing business too!"
"Sure. Her and the whole family."
"Oh, my gosh!" Toffee moaned. "This is too much. I suppose it shows a
nice enterprising spirit on the part of you and your family, but isn't
it all a little hard to get used to?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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