That evening Maurice returned from his round of visits in a curious
state of excitement and of anticipation, mingled with nervous dread. He
felt as if the eyes of the dead child were upon all his doings, as if
the mind of the dead child pondered every act of his, as if the brain of
the dead child were busy about his life, as if the soul of the dead
child concerned itself for ever with his soul, which it had secretly
dedicated to a loneliness assured now by the departure of Lily. By
living alone, even for a few weeks, was he not in a measure obeying the
desire of the little spirit, which possessed his fate like some
inexorable Providence? If so, dare he not hope for an interval of peace,
for that stillness after which he longed with an anxiety that was like a
physical pain?
He entered his house. Twilight was falling, and the hall, in which on
the previous night the child had complained in so grievous a manner, was
shadowy. He stood there and listened. He heard the distant wash of the
sea, the voices of two servants talking together behind the swing door
that led to the kitchen. No sound mingled with the sea, or with the
chattering voices. Slowly he ascended the stairs and entered the
bedroom, in which Lily had slept quietly, while he, by her side, endured
the persecution of the child. The blinds were up. The dying daylight
crept slowly from the room, making an exit as furtive and suppressed as
that of one who steals from a death chamber. Maurice sat down upon the
bed and again listened for a long time.
He was conscious of the sense of relief which comes upon a man who,
through some sudden act, has removed from his shoulders a terrible
burden. He took this present silence to himself as a reward. But would
it last? Opening the window he leaned out to hear the sea more plainly.
All living voices, whether of Nature or of man, were beautiful to him,
they had come to make his silence.
A servant knocked at the door. Maurice went down to dine. He passed the
late evening as usual in his study. He slept calmly. He woke--to
silence. Did not this silence confirm his fixed idea that his marriage
with Lily had vexed that wakeful spirit, had troubled that unquiet soul
of the child? Maurice, wrapped in a beautiful peace, felt that it did.
And, as the silent lovely days, the silent lovely nights passed on he
came gradually to a fixed resolve.
Lily must not return to him, must not live with him again.
He pondered for a long time how he was to compass their further
separation. And, at length, he sat down and wrote a letter to Lily
telling her the exact truth.
"Think me cruel, selfish," he wrote at the end of his letter. "I am
cruel. I am selfish. Despair has made me so. The fear of madness has
made me so. I must have peace. I must and will have it, at whatever
cost."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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