England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
“George, whad’yer think of T.B. for sea-sickness?” he would say.
“No good that I can imagine.”
“Oom! No harm _trying_, George. We can but try.”
I would suck my pipe. “Hard to get at. Unless we sold our stuff
specially at the docks. Might do a special at Cook’s office, or in the
Continental Bradshaw.”
“It ’ud give ’em confidence, George.”
He would Zzzz, with his glasses reflecting the red of the glowing
coals.
“No good hiding our light under a Bushel,” he would remark.
I never really determined whether my uncle regarded Tono-Bungay as a
fraud, or whether he didn’t come to believe in it in a kind of way by
the mere reiteration of his own assertions. I think that his average
attitude was one of kindly, almost parental, toleration. I remember
saying on one occasion, “But you don’t suppose this stuff ever did a
human being the slightest good all?” and how his face assumed a look of
protest, as of one reproving harshness and dogmatism.
“You’ve a hard nature, George,” he said. “You’re too ready to run
things down. How can one _tell?_ How can one venture to _tell?_...”
I suppose any creative and developing game would have interested me in
those years. At any rate, I know I put as much zeal into this
Tono-Bungay as any young lieutenant could have done who suddenly found
himself in command of a ship. It was extraordinarily interesting to me
to figure out the advantage accruing from this shortening of the
process or that, and to weigh it against the capital cost of the
alteration. I made a sort of machine for sticking on the labels, that I
patented; to this day there is a little trickle of royalties to me from
that. I also contrived to have our mixture made concentrated, got the
bottles, which all came sliding down a guarded slant-way, nearly filled
with distilled water at one tap, and dripped our magic ingredients in
at the next. This was an immense economy of space for the inner
sanctum. For the bottling we needed special taps, and these, too, I
invented and patented.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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