England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
“Sir Roderick used to say,” said Mrs. Mackridge, “that the First
Thing,”—here Mrs. Mackridge paused and looked dreadfully at me—“and the
Second Thing”—here she fixed me again—“and the Third Thing”—now I was
released—“needed in a colonial governor is Tact.” She became aware of
my doubts again, and added predominantly, “It has always struck me that
that was a Singularly True Remark.”
I resolved that if ever I found this polypus of Tact growing up in my
soul, I would tear it out by the roots, throw it forth and stamp on it.
“They’re queer people—colonials,” said Rabbits, “very queer. When I was
at Templemorton I see something of ’em. Queer fellows, some of ’em.
Very respectful of course, free with their money in a spasammy sort of
way, but—Some of ’em, I must confess, make me nervous. They have an eye
on you. They watch you—as you wait. They let themselves appear to be
lookin’ at you...”
My mother said nothing in that discussion. The word colonies always
upset her. She was afraid, I think, that if she turned her mind in that
direction my errant father might suddenly and shockingly be discovered,
no doubt conspicuously bigamic and altogether offensive and
revolutionary. She did not want to rediscover my father at all.
It is curious that when I was a little listening boy I had such an idea
of our colonies that I jeered in my heart at Mrs. Mackridge’s colonial
ascendancy. These brave emancipated sunburnt English of the open, I
thought, suffer these aristocratic invaders as a quaint anachronism,
but as for being gratified—!
I don’t jeer now. I’m not so sure.
V
It is a little difficult to explain why I did not come to do what was
the natural thing for any one in my circumstances to do, and take my
world for granted. A certain innate scepticism, I think, explains it
and a certain inaptitude for sympathetic assimilation. My father, I
believe, was a sceptic; my mother was certainly a hard woman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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