England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
The two ladies came in a pony-carriage with conspicuous punctuality,
and I had the unusual experience of seeing my aunt entertaining
callers. We had tea upon the terrace under the cedar, but old Lady
Osprey, being an embittered Protestant, had never before seen the
inside of the house, and we made a sort of tour of inspection that
reminded me of my first visit to the place. In spite of my
preoccupation with Beatrice, I stored a queer little memory of the
contrast between the two other women; my aunt, tall, slender and
awkward, in a simple blue homekeeping dress, an omnivorous reader and a
very authentic wit, and the lady of pedigree, short and plump, dressed
with Victorian fussiness, living at the intellectual level of palmistry
and genteel fiction, pink in the face and generally flustered by a
sense of my aunt’s social strangeness and disposed under the
circumstances to behave rather like an imitation of the more queenly
moments of her own cook. The one seemed made of whalebone, the other of
dough. My aunt was nervous, partly through the intrinsic difficulty of
handling the lady and partly because of her passionate desire to watch
Beatrice and me, and her nervousness took a common form with her, a
wider clumsiness of gesture and an exacerbation of her habitual oddity
of phrase which did much to deepen the pink perplexity of the lady of
title. For instance, I heard my aunt admit that one of the Stuart
Durgan ladies did look a bit “balmy on the crumpet”; she described the
knights of the age of chivalry as “korvorting about on the off-chance
of a dragon”; she explained she was “always old mucking about the
garden,” and instead of offering me a Garibaldi biscuit, she asked me
with that faint lisp of hers, to “have some squashed flies, George.” I
felt convinced Lady Osprey would describe her as “a most eccentric
person” on the very first opportunity;—“a most eccentric person.” One
could see her, as people say, “shaping” for that.
Beatrice was dressed very quietly in brown, with a simple but
courageous broad-brimmed hat, and an unexpected quality of being
grown-up and responsible. She guided her step-mother through the first
encounter, scrutinised my aunt, and got us all well in movement through
the house, and then she turned her attention to me with a quick and
half-confident smile.
“We haven’t met,” she said, “since—”
“It was in the Warren.”
“Of course,” she said, “the Warren! I remembered it all except just the
name.... I was eight.”
Her smiling eyes insisted on my memories being thorough. I looked up
and met them squarely, a little at a loss for what I should say.
“I gave you away pretty completely,” she said, meditating upon my face.
“And afterwards I gave way Archie.”
She turned her face away from the others, and her voice fell ever so
little.
“They gave him a licking for telling lies!” she said, as though that
was a pleasant memory. “And when it was all over I went to our wigwam.
You remember the wigwam?”
“Out in the West Wood?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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