England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
When I think of those early talks, I figure him always in one of three
positions. Either we were in the dispensing lair behind a high barrier,
he pounding up things in a mortar perhaps, and I rolling pill-stuff
into long rolls and cutting it up with a sort of broad, fluted knife,
or he stood looking out of the shop door against the case of sponges
and spray-diffusers, while I surveyed him from behind the counter, or
he leant against the little drawers behind the counter, and I hovered
dusting in front. The thought of those early days brings back to my
nostrils the faint smell of scent that was always in the air, marbled
now with streaks of this drug and now of that, and to my eyes the rows
of jejune glass bottles with gold labels, mirror-reflected, that stood
behind him. My aunt, I remember, used sometimes to come into the shop
in a state of aggressive sprightliness, a sort of connubial ragging
expedition, and get much fun over the abbreviated Latinity of those
gilt inscriptions. “Ol Amjig, George,” she would read derisively, “and
he pretends it’s almond oil! Snap!—and that’s mustard. Did you _ever_,
George?
“Look at him, George, looking dignified. I’d like to put an old label
on to _him_ round the middle like his bottles are, with Ol Pondo on it.
That’s Latin for Impostor, George _must_ be. He’d look lovely with a
stopper.”
“_You_ want a stopper,” said my uncle, projecting his face....
My aunt, dear soul, was in those days quite thin and slender, with a
delicate rosebud completion and a disposition to connubial badinage, to
a sort of gentle skylarking. There was a silvery ghost of lisping in
her speech. She was a great humourist, and as the constraint of my
presence at meals wore off, I became more and more aware of a filmy but
extensive net of nonsense she had woven about her domestic relations
until it had become the reality of her life. She affected a derisive
attitude to the world at large and applied the epithet “old” to more
things than I have ever heard linked to it before or since. “Here’s the
old news-paper,” she used to say—to my uncle. “Now don’t go and get it
in the butter, you silly old Sardine!”
“What’s the day of the week, Susan?” my uncle would ask.
“Old Monday, Sossidge,” she would say, and add, “I got all my Old
Washing to do. Don’t I _know_ it!”...
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account