England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
Through the glass I saw dimly a crowded suggestion of crucibles and
glass retorts, and—by Jove!—yes!—the dear old Wimblehurst air-pump
still! It gave me quite a little thrill—that air-pump! And beside it
was the electrical machine—but something—some serious trouble—had
happened to that. All these were evidently placed on a shelf just at
the level to show.
“Come right into the sanctum,” said my uncle, after he had finished
something about “esteemed consideration,” and whisked me through the
door into a room that quite amazingly failed to verify the promise of
that apparatus. It was papered with dingy wall-paper that had peeled in
places; it contained a fireplace, an easy-chair with a cushion, a table
on which stood two or three big bottles, a number of cigar-boxes on the
mantel, whisky Tantalus and a row of soda syphons. He shut the door
after me carefully.
“Well, here we are!” he said. “Going strong! Have a whisky, George?
No!—Wise man! Neither will I! You see me at it! At it—hard!”
“Hard at what?”
“Read it,” and he thrust into my hand a label—that label that has now
become one of the most familiar objects of the chemist’s shop, the
greenish-blue rather old-fashioned bordering, the legend, the name in
good black type, very clear, and the strong man all set about with
lightning flashes above the double column of skilful lies in red—the
label of Tono-Bungay. “It’s afloat,” he said, as I stood puzzling at
this. “It’s afloat. I’m afloat!” And suddenly he burst out singing in
that throaty tenor of his—
“I’m afloat, I’m afloat on the fierce flowing tide,
The ocean’s my home and my bark is my bride!
“Ripping song that is, George. Not so much a bark as a solution, but
still—it does! Here we are at it! By-the-by! Half a mo’! I’ve thought
of a thing.” He whisked out, leaving me to examine this nuclear spot at
leisure while his voice became dictatorial without. The den struck me
as in its large grey dirty way quite unprecedented and extraordinary.
The bottles were all labelled simply A, B, C, and so forth, and that
dear old apparatus above, seen from this side, was even more patiently
“on the shelf” than when it had been used to impress Wimblehurst. I saw
nothing for it but to sit down in the chair and await my uncle’s
explanations. I remarked a frock-coat with satin lapels behind the
door; there was a dignified umbrella in the corner and a clothes-brush
and a hat-brush stood on a side-table. My uncle returned in five
minutes looking at his watch—a gold watch—“Gettin’ lunch-time, George,”
he said. “You’d better come and have lunch with me!”
“How’s Aunt Susan?” I asked.
“Exuberant. Never saw her so larky. This has bucked her up something
wonderful—all this.”
“All what?”
“Tono-Bungay.”
“What is Tono-Bungay?” I asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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