The knowledge of hidden psychic feelings which psychoanalytic
investigation of individuals has given us, makes it possible to add
other motives to the above. Where the psycho-sexual needs of the woman
are to be satisfied in marriage and family life, there is always the
danger of dissatisfaction through the premature termination of the
conjugal relation, and the monotony in the wife’s emotional life. The
ageing mother protects herself against this by living through the lives
of her children, by identifying herself with them and making their
emotional experiences her own. Parents are said to remain young with
their children, and this is, in fact, one of the most valuable psychic
benefits which parents derive from their children. Childlessness thus
eliminates one of the best means to endure the necessary resignation
imposed upon the individual through marriage. This emotional
indentification with the daughter may easily go so far with the mother
that she also falls in love with the man her daughter loves, which
leads, in extreme cases, to severe forms of neurotic ailments on account
of the violent psychic resistance against this emotional predisposition.
At all events the tendency to such infatuation is very frequent with the
mother-in-law, and either this infatuation itself or the tendency
opposed to it joins the conflict of contending forces in the psyche of
the mother-in-law. Very often it is just this harsh and sadistic
component of the love emotion which is turned against the son-in-law in
order better to suppress the forbidden tender feelings.
The relation of the husband to his mother-in-law is complicated through
similar feelings which, however, spring from other sources. The path of
object selection has normally led him to his love object through the
image of his mother and perhaps of his sister; in consequence of the
incest barriers his preference for these two beloved persons of his
childhood has been deflected and he is then able to find their image in
strange objects. He now sees the mother-in-law taking the place of his
own mother and of his sister’s mother, and there develops a tendency to
return to the primitive selection, against which everything in him
resists. His incest dread demands that he should not be reminded of the
genealogy of his love selection; the actuality of his mother-in-law,
whom he had not known all his life like his mother so that her picture
can be preserved unchanged in his unconscious, facilitates this
rejection. An added mixture of irritability and animosity in his
feelings leads us to suspect that the mother-in-law actually represents
an incest temptation for the son-in-law, just as it not infrequently
happens that a man falls in love with his subsequent mother-in-law
before his inclination is transferred to her daughter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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