Tramping with Tramps: Studies and Sketches of Vagabond LifeFlynt, Josiah
History
Tramping with Tramps: Studies and Sketches of Vagabond Life
Flynt, Josiah
Tramps
The brakeman held his lantern while I got into the box. The opening was
not very large, hardly more than a foot wide--plenty large enough for
me, it is true, but I was much smaller than Fatty. When he tried to get
in there was some trouble. His head and shoulders went through all
right, but then he stopped, for his paunch was the broadest part of him,
and he complained that "it pinched ter'bly." Exactly what to do was a
poser, but finally he nerved himself for another squeeze. He twisted,
slipped, and grunted, and at last had to beg me to hold his head and
steer him, so helpless had his exertions made him. I guided him as best
I could, and pretty soon he came "ka-plunk," as he called it, on the
hay. The brakey closed the lid and left.
Fatty had hardly settled himself before he began to wonder how he would
get out in the morning.
"By gosh!" he said, "p'r'aps I'll jus' have to stay here, 'n' they'll
carry me right over to the stock-yards. Wouldn't I be a great steer,
eh?"
But I was too tired to speculate, and in a few minutes was asleep. What
Fatty did for the next fifty miles I can't say, but in about two hours
he cruelly awakened me and asked for a match.
"Why, you're not going to smoke here?" I said.
"Cert," he crisply replied. "Why not?"
"You'll set the place afire, with all this loose hay about."
"Set yer gran'mother afire! Gimme a lucifer."
I told him I had none, and then he wanted me to get out and ask the
brakey for one. I did not want to do it, but I felt sure that he would
trouble me all night unless I did, so I consented to go. But, lo and
behold! when I tried to lift the lid it would not lift.
"Fatty," I said, "we're ditched."
"Ditched yer gran'mother! What's the matter?"
"This lid won't move."
"Lemme get at it."
Fatty weighed two hundred and fifty pounds,--"punds," he called
them,--and he put every one against that lid. It squeaked a little, but
still would not lift.
"Fatty," I repeated, "we're ditched."
But he was determined not to give in, and lay on his back to kick the
lid. He reasoned that that ought to mean fifty pounds more, and if three
hundred "punds' couldn't budge the thing, then something was going to
happen. He kicked and kicked. The lid squeaked a good deal, but was as
stubborn as ever. Then you should have heard Fatty scold. He scolded
everybody, from the president of the road down to the humblest
switchman, and then, as if he had not done enough, said:
"By gosh, Cig, we'll prosecute 'em! This is simply scandalous! Tramps
can't ride this way, and they ought to know it. Yes, sir, we'll
prosecute 'em."
Then he began to swear, and never in my life have I heard such
maledictions hurled at poor erring railroad officials. Soon even cursing
tired him, and he tumbled back on the hay exhausted. After he had rested
a bit, a new phase of the situation presented itself to him, and he felt
around in the box to see how much hay there was between us and the
steers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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