Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
[Illustration: Camp Grant must be infected with mormons (p. 51).]
So I didn't go Al and the funny part of it is that somebody must of
tipped Sebastian off that I wasn't going and what does he do but get his
leave called off to and he has been here all yesterday and today and
that proves he is laying for me and just wanted to go because I was
going and it looks like the only way I can ever get away from here is
sneak out without letting nobody know I am going and even then he would
probably send word to his gang in Chi to keep their eye on me till he
come.
I have caught him looking at me 2 or 3 times and I had a notion to ask
him if he seen anything green but what is the use Al of starting
something with a man like he and if I was to loose my temper and bust
him Capt. Nash might hear about it and shut us both up in the guard
house together and one or the other of us wouldn't never come out alive
and which ever one it was it would give the camp a black eye.
Well Al about all I done today was look for Florrie and little Al and I
didn't give them up till 5 o'clock tonight because I thought maybe they
had missed the A.M. trains and would come later and every time
I seen a woman and kid toddleing up the road I would think sure it was
them this time and I was dissapointed about 30 thousand times because
they was at least that many women and kids here today and if they was
all somebody's wife Camp Grant must be infected with Mormons.
All the women had baskets and boxs full of pie and jell and fried cakes
and what all but they wasn't no package of goodys with my name and
address on them Al and they wasn't no little schaefer yelling theres
daddy when they seen me and running up to get huged.
Well Al the man that was to call up Florrie come back this P.M.
and come in the barracks just before I started this letter and I asked
him I said "Well Bishop did you call up my wife like I told you?" His
name is Bishop. "Hell" he says "I forgot all about it." And honest Al
his size is all that saved him the little srimph and if he was anywheres
near a man I would of Bishoped him right in the eye. But I managed to
keep my hands off of him and all as I said was for him to get out of my
way before it was to late and then he begun to whine and says how sorry
he was and he says "I got some excuse because I reached home just in
time to be presented with a baby girl."
How is that for an excuse Al and the only wonder is that he didn't
forget if it was a boy or a girl before he got back here but of course a
man like he wouldn't have nothing but a girl. But isn't it just my luck
Al for me to trust somebody to do something and then for them to go and
have a baby on me? And I hope every time he gos home she is yelling all
night with the collect.
Your pal, JACK.
CAMP GRANT, Oct. 10.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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