Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
Speaking about the soldiers insurance with the kind I got if I was
disabled they would have to give me $50.00 to $60.00 per mo. on acct. of
me haveing Florrie and little Al and that would come in handy Al if I
got my right arm shot off and couldn't pitch but at that I know birds in
the big league now thats drawing $400.00 to $500.00 per mo. and as far
as their pitchings conserned they might just as well have both their
arms shot off and include their head.
[Illustration: Corporal don't carry no arms of any kind and all he is is
a kind of decoy to kep the Germans shooting (p. 91).]
Well anyway we won't have to practice fighting no more with broom sticks
and cans and etc. because Sargent James told us tonight that the rifles
was comeing so I said to my boys that I hoped they was good shots so we
could make a sucker out of the other squads and I told them if they was
all as good a shot as me I wouldn't have no kick because I figure that
anybody thats got as good control when they throw or pitch should
certainly ought to shoot straight. So Red Sampson says that if I was in
the French army it wouldn't do me no good to be a crack shot and I asked
him why not and he says the corporals in the French army are not allowed
to carry no guns but all they was supposed to do was run ahead of the
privates and draw the fire and maybe if the Germans happened to not hit
them they could pull out their scissors and cut the bob wire
untanglements so as the privates wouldn't have no trouble getting in to
the German trenchs where they could use their bayonets.
Red says "Instead of the pollutes trying to get to be a corporal they
try not to because when they appoint you a corporal in the French army
its a good night kiss and of course its a honor at that because it shows
they think you are a game bird and don't care for your own life as long
as you help the cause and that is why they picked you out. Because a
corporal don't carry no arms of any kind and all he is is a kind of a
decoy to kep the Germans shooting at him so as to protect the regular
soldiers and that is why over 80% of the casualtys in the French army is
corporals."
Well Al as I said before I am not in the French army and I should worry
about what they do to corporals in the French army.
I pretty near forgot to tell you that I am going home on leave Saturday
and you can bet I am going this time sick or no sick because from all
the rumors a round the camp we might be leaveing for across the pond any
day now specially with the rifles comeing and that makes it look like we
would soon be on our way and if I didn't see Florrie and little Al
before I left it would probably be the last time I would see them
because something tells me Al that if I go over there I won't never come
back.
Your pal, JACK.
CAMP GRANT, Oct. 26.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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