Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
CHICAGO, Oct. 28.
_FRIEND AL:_ Well Florrie is still in the hay yet and little Al is
playing with himself on the floor and reading the pictures in the Sunday
A.M. paper and I thought I would sleep late this A.M. but when a man
gets in the habit of wakeing up early you get so as you can't sleep
after you wake up once and thats the way it was with me.
Well Al I suppose you will be surprised at me saying it but I pretty
near wish I wasn't no officer but just a private like at first and I got
a good notion to go back to the camp like Chambers did behind time and
1/2 stewed and the reason I feel like that is because I have got
attached to my boys and I would pretty near rather give up going to
France all together then quit them because it seems like it wouldn't be
hardly fair to leave them now that they have got so as they look up at
me and I figure that even if I wasn't a corporal no more but just I of
them I could do more good then if I quit them entirely.
I suppose you will wonder what I am getting at Al. Well on the train
comeing from Rockford yesterday I was setting with Shorty Lahey and he
was on leave to and I know its a mistake sometimes for a officer to pal
a round with their men but I set with him on the train because I can't
stand it to hurt a man's feelings and Shorty's hearts in the right place
with all his jokeing and etc. So we set down together on the train and
got to talking things over and he says "Well Keefe you have got to be a
corporal and that means you have made good and I wish I was in your
shoes."
So I said that if he took care of himself and minded his business they
wasn't no reason why he wouldn't be advanced higher up the ladder some
time in the future and he says "Yes but now is the time I would like to
be in your shoes because I would like to get over to France and get in
it." So I asked him what he meant and he says the dope Red Sampson was
giving me was part of it right and part of it wrong and the right dope
was that General Pershing hadn't sent for our whole regt. but what he
had sent for was all the non commission officers out of the regt. and
that means all the corporals and sergents and they was the only ones
going this time because the French army had ran out of non commission,
officers and General Pershing was going to lend them the best ones we
had over here in training.
[Illustration: Florrie is still in the hay yet and little Al is playing
on the floor (p. 97).]
So I said "Well it looks like I was elected and its 100 to 1 that I
won't never come back." So Shorty says "Oh I don't know about that and
I think Red Sampson is wrong about them killing all them corporals
because from what I heard they's a few of them they don't try and kill
so they can take them prisoner and get information off them."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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