Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
Well I seen she didn't know nothing about them or probably nothing else
so I went back in the flat and waited and waited and it come along 5
o'clock and I called up a saloon over on Indiana and asked them to fetch
me over a doz. bottles of beer and I had 2 of them and then went out to
a restaurant and had supper and come back and nobody home yet. Well to
make a short story out of it I finished the beer up and finely went to
bed and I didn't know nothing more till 9 A.M. this morning
when the Swede come snooping into the room and seen me and let out a
screem and beat it and I got up and dressed and went in the kitchen and
she said Florrie had took little Al somewheres to stay all night with
some friends and give the Swede permission to go to a ski jumpers dance
out to Berwyn and Florrie would be home about 11.
Well Florrie come strutting in with the kid about 12 looking like she
hadn't done nothing out of the way and when she seen me she squeeled and
come romping over for a kiss. Well Al she didn't get it. I kissed little
Al all right but I didn't see where she had a right to expect favors.
Well she seen how things stood and begin trying to explain something
about spending the P.M. down town shopping and then going to a show with
some friends of hers on the north side and they left little Al in charge
of the nurse at the friends and they both stayed there all night and why
didn't I tell her I would be home so as she could have changed her plans
and etc. So I said "Yes you are a fine wife and mother running around
town with a bunch of bums and leave your kid all alone in charge of a
nurse that you don't know nothing about her and for all as you know she
might of cut his ears off like a Belgium." Well I was sore and I give
her a good balling out and of course it wound up like usual with her
busting out crying and then they wasn't nothing for me to do only say I
didn't mean what I had been saying and we had dinner and maybe
everything would of been O.K. only we hadn't no sooner gotten up from
the table when in come 1/2 of the south side and their wifes to call.
Well they wasn't none of them I ever seen before or ever want to see
them again and they was all friends of Florrie's and 2 of the ladys was
customers of hers so she didn't dare tell them to get the h-ll out of
there and a Mrs. Crane and a Mrs. Somebody else picked on me and got me
in a pocket on the Davenport and they didn't even have sence enough to
call me Corporal but it was Mr. Keefe this and Mr. Keefe that and when
did I think the war would end and wasn't the Germans awful and how many
men did we have in France and when was I going and so on. And Mrs. Crane
said her and all her friends was so jealous of Mrs. Keefe because her
husband was a soldier so I said I had heard they was room in some of the
camps for a few more husbands and Mrs. Crane said her husband had tried
his hardest to get into something but he had bad teeth so I said why
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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