Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
Well Al when the letter come I had a notion to write to her back and
tell her to not come but in her letter she said she would do something
to make me sorry and I am afraid of what she would do and if she done
something rash I would feel like it was my fault and besides if she has
got a sweater pretty near made for me it would be kind of mean to of
made her do all that work for nothing and besides a man needs a sweater
a lot of times even down here and I was going to buy one because I
didn't have no idear she was makeing one for me. So I figure the best
way to do is to tell her I will meet her and I will take her somewheres
to dinner and while we are at dinner I can tell her the truth about me
being married and it will be much better to tell her to her face then
write it in a letter because it would sound pretty hard in black and
white but the only thing is we have got to find some quite spot so as if
she makes a seen or something they won't be no crowd around to pop their
eyes out at us. But I hope she is a game bird and will take it O.K. and
I'm sorry now I didn't tell her in the 1st. place and I wish she wasn't
comeing and I sometimes wish I was a little scrimp or ugly so as a girl
wouldn't look at me twice and between you and I Al it isn't all a bed of
roses to be like I am.
I will write and tell you how I come out but I am to exited to write any
more now and I wish they was some way I could get out of it all without
leaveing no scars.
Your pal, JACK.
HOUSTON, TEX., Dec. 24.
_FRIEND AL:_ I bet you will pop your eyes out when you read this letter
and read what I got to tell you. I will begin at the beginning and tell
you what come off so as you will know what come off.
Saturday I pretty near made up my mind that it would be better for me to
not see Miss Chase so when I asked for leave for yesterday I hoped they
wouldn't give it to me but they give it to me O.K. so I had to come or
it would look funny. Well I come into the Rice at about 5 min, to 1 and
looked around the lobby and they was only one woman that was alone and
she was old about 35 and I looked around and couldn't see no girl that
looked like they was waiting for somebody, and while I was looking this
woman I seen seen me and come over to where I was standing. Well Al I
thought sure it was the girl's aunt and she had heard about our date and
was going to raise h-ll or something. Well this woman come up and says
wasn't I Corporal Keefe. Well I didn't know what to say and I kind of
stalled and she says "Was you expecting to meet some one here?" So I
said "Yes I was looking for a man." So then she kind of smirked and
says "Well I was expecting to meet a man to and I thought you was him."
So I said "No I guess you have got the wrong bird."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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